CORONATION STREET

Maybe it’s because the first two months of every year are miserable; maybe it’s because there’s now so much soap on our screens that quality is suffering; or maybe it’s because loads of it is so darned silly that we’re unable to suspend disbelief any more. Whatever the reason, the audience is moaning more about serial drama than ever before.

I hear it on a daily basis, not only through reactions to this column but also on social media. Some of the criticism is justified, much of it not. Given the volume of work involved in producing a five- or six- episode-a-week drama, it’s a wonder that anything makes it to the screen in one piece – actors’ exhausted bodies included.

However, I still have my bugbears – Billy’s constant grunting in Corrie (at least he disappeared yesterday), along with Craig’s loud counting; Karen’s racism and unfunny mispronunciation of Mr Papadopoulos in EastEnders; and everyone getting accidentally pregnant in Emmerdale.

Let’s hope that our winter of soap discontent is now over.

MAN OF SOLID CHARACTER

‘I just want people to see ’ow lovely you are,’ said Eileen last night, to her psycho husband. Traumatised upon hearing the lake is being drained, Pat has to move fast to shift two bodies (pictured) – not easy when there’s wet concrete around. Meanwhile, Eileen innocently waits at home, phoning Pat at an inopportune moment and playing hostess at a Get to Know the Real Pat party (inset). Is she about to discover the kind of man she married – literally a hardened criminal if that concrete has its way?

Mass relationship delusion appeared to have set in last week, with Leanne assuring Zeedan,

‘You’re a catch’, and Sally insisting, ‘You’re such a catch, Sophie.’ Both are as good a catch as a fairground goldfish, and the latter is about to have her heart broken when Kate dumps her. At least now we may be saved more of Rana’s geyser of tears. I was thinking of fitting my TV with windscreen wipers.

Tim shows his protectiveness towards Sally again when he hears Carla and Michelle talking about their wind-up after Sally gives them a tour of the house. But when Carla decides she really is interested in buying it, Sally gives her short shrift. Tell her that Weatherfield’s run out of red wine; that’ll be punishment enough.