EASTENDERS

DEAD WOMAN WALKING?

The most unbelievable thing about Kat’s ‘death’ is the news her body’s being sent over for the funeral. Given the inches of slap the embalmer would have to excavate, they’ll be lucky to see her remains by Christmas; she’ll be half a stone lighter after the removal of her mascara alone. When Jean drops a bombshell about Kat to Stacey (pictured), will anyone believe her, or assume she’s having another ‘episode’?

With Mo intent on giving Kat a huge send- off, she sets about raising money, but is shocked when Ian offers to help only with the catering (that’ll be one sausage roll between three). Martin also has a master plan to raise money (don’t hold your breath; he can’t sell enough fruit and veg to buy a tube of toothpaste). Maybe the truth about Kat’s demise will come out when Mo asks Jean for money towards the funeral (oh, puh-lease, how many more discussions about money must we endure? I don’t think I can take Aidangate II). At least the Carters offer to do the wake for free (one sausage roll between two), and Jay thinks of a way to blag a free coffin. Hmm. Surely the biggest worry is finding an empty one; in Walford, coffins act as containers for anything but corpses.

None of these problems prevents the locals from a jolly good knees-up for Kat, and when Hunter agrees to join Louise at the Vic, will Keegan get his heart broken? And be prepared for a big surprise: think spectre at the feast rather than the Resurrection. See? I told you coffins aren’t for bodies.