EASTENDERS

PHIL GOES BATTY (AGAIN)

Oh, dear. Nice, cuddly, funny Phil never lasts for long, does he? When he’s roused and in the same room as either a bottle or a baseball bat, you can bet he’s going to reach for one of them. After witnessing the CCTV of Hunter and Louise together, he heads to the club to seek revenge. How old is that baseball bat, by the way? And why is it always so accessible? It’s like an ornament in the Mitchell house- hold. And is it the same one that used to be in the Vic, or does the bat have a twin?

Sharon does her best to calm Phil (about as effective as asking the Pope to referee a heavyweight boxing match), and Mel (pictured, with Phil) lures him into a compromising position on CCTV. Why does everyone insist on doing stuff on camera? And why, when the police want to catch any baddies, is the CCTV always broken or so blurred it looks like two kittens at play? Meanwhile, Sharon is having a quiet word with Hunter, telling him not to disrespect Louise again. Yeah. That’ll work.

It’s another sad week for Ted when Jay takes Joyce’s body to the crematorium. Don’t worry. I suspect that’s not grief at losing his wife; he’s traumatised that he’ll have to be away from his chess board for an hour. Personally, I think the sudden death is suspicious. Maybe the truth will come out and Ted will plead a Sicilian Defence – a ‘move’ joke, should anyone still be gripped by Chessgate.