EASTENDERS

ARCH RIVALS

Here we go again. More gang stuff. This time it’s Dennis who, trying to impress, agrees to do the gang a favour. What could be in the rucksack he’s hiding at the Arches [pictured]? And quite why they chose the most conspicuous red when wishing their stash to be as inconspicuous as possible is anybody’s guess.

Why does anyone hide anything at the Arches when it’s the first place the cops go looking for stolen goods, bodies etc? (Advice: never hide anything at the allotment, either – that’s the second place they go looking). When Keanu discovers the suspicious rucksack and the gang turn up, he threatens them with the police. He’s saved by the bell when Phil arrives and frightens them off – even though he’s about as frightening these days as his orange juice.

Stuart is up to no good again and when Mick realises he’s been in his home, Shirley and Linda don’t want Tina to find out. Mick, however, has other ideas and insists he wants no more lies ( yeah, right, because the ‘no more lies’ line has worked so well in the past). Instead, though, he suggests a mini-break to Sarf End. Return To A Seventies Summer is at the Cliffs Pavilion there tonight; Mick should fit right in, given his dress sense. But what is Stuart planning while they are away?

Kat, meanwhile, is anxious to speak to the twins on their birthday and is doing well memorising routes for The Knowledge. It’s a pity she doesn’t have the same sense of direction when applying her make-up.