CORONATION STREET

There are characters who appear in what seem to be bit parts and then prove so successful that they become part of the furniture. Corrie’s Pat Phelan was one, and they had to turn him into a serial killer in order to hold onto the brilliant Connor McIntyre.

There’s another huge success with Louiza Patikas (Moira), whose comic timing is sublime. Yesterday’s conversation with Toyah was tear-jerkingly funny and echoed what I’ve said about Toyah’s wardrobe for months. The ability of the Corrie writers to pen words for quirky characters is breathtaking. How great was Patti Clare (again) last week, as Mary.

EastEnders has had more limited success with newcomers in recent years, but I’m cautiously optimistic about Mel’s ex-husband – not least because Tamzin Outhwaite (Mel) can do no wrong in my book and, I’ve just discovered, we have the same birthday. Just sayin’.

I only wish Emmerdale would return to character-driven plots and stop all the kidnapping nonsense. Research into every angle of character should be hammered out at the writing table for months before they appear on screen. For me, Corrie is still the master.

LEFT HOLDING THE BABY

Girls, go and play. Girls, go upstairs. Girls, eat your breakfast. Will Fiz ever stop playing sergeant major to her kids? Boring! If I wanted to witness the tedious bits of bringing up kids, I’d buy a crèche. In an attempt to make the Dobbs household remotely interesting, the show’s now come up with the idea Tyrone might have been abducted as a baby, and his dead mother left him a VHS cassette to explain all (it broke, but that’s hardly a thrilling sub-plot). Oh, no! What to do, they pondered, when the alleged dad (who isn’t – keep up!) filled them in. Well, Googling abducted children would’ve been my first move,

but no. They went to Roy, who told them libraries stock old newspapers. Google, people! But if they have a VHS recorder, they probably haven’t even heard about iPhones yet. They track down Evelyn ( Maureen Lipman, pictured, with Tyrone and Fiz), who Tyrone thinks must be his grandmother. She’s less than happy with the news. So much so, you can’t help wondering if it was she who handed him over 36 years ago.

At least Tracy and Steve have the nous to hit the internet to discover more about the mysterious Hannah, claiming to be Liz and Jim’s dead daughter, Care-Tee. Does anyone have a normal childhood in Weatherfield any more?