EASTENDERS

NOT A GOOD NEWS WEEK

This is not going to be Carmel’s week. Distracted by finding a pair of Shakil’s trainers, she ignores Kush’s reminder about her support group meeting. Then the cops arrive to see if she has any information about Stuart’s shooting at the Vic. Next, it’s Sophie on her doorstep, and a raging argument with a fuming Keegan. And that takes us only to Tuesday. Disconnect the doorbell and close the curtains is my advice, but no, there’s more fury from Kush (pictured, with Carmel) when Carmel insists that Sophie stay with them in order to remain safe (as if anywhere in Walford is safe; I’d take my chances on Death Row over this place).

Canalgate goes on, with the cops doing their usual incompetent job of getting it all wrong. Has there ever been a canal in the history of the waterways that has seen so much action as the one in Walford? You’d think by now they would’ve found somewhere else to dump a gun/ body/car. At least it’s given everyone something to talk about. But when Sharon and Keanu share whispers at the Arches, who has overheard? It could be anybody within a tenmile radius; Sharon’s whisper makes a set of bagpipes sound like Silent Night on Christmas Eve. When Keanu reveals he failed to get a job he went for, Sharon devises a plan. Oh, dear. That never ends well. Ever.

Max is all over the place with his feelings for Rainie, but luckily Stacey is on hand to offer some advice. Yes, seriously. It’s like asking Donald Trump for advice on self-tanning.