CORONATION STREET

For the most part, soaps never get right the nature of grief and the lifelong effect it has on one’s life. There are exceptions. Coronation Street’s David Neilson, as Roy, has been extraordinary in his portrayal of a son experiencing mixed emotions following the death of his vile mother; likewise, grieving widower David, for whom the murder of his wife Kylie continues to impact on a life so complicated, it needs Google Maps to navigate it.

But in most cases, soapland’s grieving process is like a Bank Holiday: people don’t think about it from one day to the next but are allowed to indulge themselves when it comes around – though only until the pubs close.

How long will EastEnders mourn Dr Legg, I wonder? They barely acknowledged him when he was alive (how many years did he go unseen in his surgery cupboard?), so six feet under he stands no chance. As for Emmerdale, the corpse roll call is so long, people barely have time to finish the vol au vents at a wake before the next funeral buffet comes along, so grieving would be something of a luxury. Unlike in life, death in soapland wipes the memory clean.

MASSAGING THE FACTS

Mary is never better than when she is thwarted in love (which is often), and it was amusing to think she had a crush on Tyrone (in your dreams, mate). All is clear when Mary offers him a massage (waaay too much information) and he broaches the subject of the Valentine’s card, which it transpires was from Ruby. They put the awkward situation behind them when Tyrone and Ruby invite Mary over for tea (pictured) – presumably a euphemism for ‘We can’t cope and need a slave’. What’s the news on Hope(less) and her stint at the school for behavioural prob-

lems, by the way? It seems to be out of sight, out of mind. Expect to hear that the school has burnt down very shortly.

Tracy is in feisty mode when she offers Tyler £5,000 to leave Amy and the baby alone. Done deal, I imagine, though it should be him handing over cash, begging to be left out of it. When Amy goes in search of Bethany during a family row, will the pregnant teenager take matters into her own hands?

Peter still suspects Carla of having set fire to the boat, which she denies. Let’s just be grateful it’s gone – not since Noah has anyone banged on so tediously about a boat.