EASTENDERS

Sex is high on soap’s agenda, but do we really need so much information? Last week, Corrie’s couples were like a bunch of giggling teenagers as they piled up innuendos, making sure we knew what they had got up to last night/that morning (or wanted to). Sarah and Adam, Michelle and Robert, Tracy and Steve, Yasmeen and Geoff – the nudge nudge, wink wink dialogue made me think I’d dropped in on an end-of-the-pier show, circa 1980. At least we were saved Sally’s riding metaphors.

Emmerdale’s Eric Pollard is one of the few characters who can pull off sexual innuendo without sending viewers rushing for cushions to put over their heads to hide their cringes. Slightly salacious, he is nevertheless convincing discussing his many sexual conquests. EastEnders’ Kat is similarly convincing, but for the most part characters should stop talking about their activities.

It has nothing to do with prudishness and everything to do with bad dialogue and infantilism, invariably in front of others, just to let them know they are beasts between the sheets. Tone it down, people. As Sondheim’s Into The Woods says: Children Will Listen.

PRIDE BEFORE A FOOL

Who’d be gay in Walford? As thousands flood the streets to celebrate Pride, what does Callum do? Stay put with Whitney, playing the straight fiancé and living in fear of dad Jonno. This won’t end well, and when Stuart and Callum meet Jonno, the latter questions Callum’s career choices (I’d be questioning the bride long before that) then gets off on the wrong foot with Ben (pictured, inset) and Phil (not hard – if they had one foot between them, you’d still find it was the wrong one). On Friday’s Pride Day, Callum gets more than he bargains for when he’s roped in to help at the

Prince Albert (pictured) – with Tina on hand to show him how it’s done. How to drink the profits and not get caught, more like.

It’s a traumatic week for the gay community all round, and Bernadette’s suspicions about Tiffany grow when she spots her sending a text to Sophia. Blimey. Never easy, is it? I’d get back to that chess board, Bernadette. Life was much easier when the only relationship you had to worry about was between chess champions Spassky and Fischer. But Tina’s around to offer some words of wisdom. That’s like asking a pyromaniac to fit your gas central heating.