CORONATION STREET

Mothers come in all shapes and sizes. In Corrie, Gail has returned from holiday and declared that her children are always taking her for granted, then turned on her own mother for doing the same. Then Gemma, who has just given birth to quads, has her hands full with her insensitive mother, while poor Bertie will never get to know his.

In Eastenders, mothers are, in general, monsters who will do anything to protect their own. Hiding beneath the guise of being sharing and caring creatures, they will beg, steal, borrow or kill for their offspring, even to the detriment of their own well-being (Linda being a prime example).

Emmerdale has a poor history in the maternal department, with mothers witnessing their children’s illnesses, drug problems, stillbirths, deaths, et al. In fact, if they were told before conception everything they’d have to endure post-childbirth, most of them would probably try to turn back the clock.

But there’s lots of support and many coping mechanisms. What did Gail do, trying to come to terms with her lot? Reach for a bottle of rum. ‘At 3pm?’ asked Audrey. Why not?

TRAVELLING LIGHT?

‘Go on holiday with you? Haven’t I been through enough?’ Tracy to Liz, Corrie BUDDING BIRDWATCHER ‘You’re like a vulture in skinny jeans.’ Beth to Bethany, Corrie

■ GOING WITHOUT A HITCH?

Will Shona and David (pictured) get to say ‘I do’? This yay or nay is the million-dollar question of every soap wedding since time began. With Josh refusing to back down and support David’s story about the prison attack, can Nick persuade him to change his mind? Nick couldn’t persuade me to buy a raincoat in a hurricane, so I doubt it. Will Billy have better luck? Of course not. That vicar is as lucky as a four-leafed clover in a combine harvester. But when he tells Paul about the situation, is there anything Paul can do with the information to put things right?

There’s another set of persuasion tactics

required when Daniel says he’s not returning for Sinead’s funeral (he’s way too busy grooming that fine head of hair, I shouldn’t wonder). Is this going to be the busiest month ever for Billy’s church – a wedding and a funeral? As he’s hardly ever actually there, let’s hope he manages to find it in time for both events. Sat nav, anyone?

And on an increasingly sinister storyline that is as heart-breaking as it is frightening, Geoff continues to destroy Yasmeen’s confidence and claims he’s cancelling the romantic trip to Las Vegas he had planned. Romance in Vegas? Clearly, he’s never been. I’d bet on it.