SOAP WATCH WATCH

Just as a soap wedding or birth rarely goes off without incident, funerals attract high drama. Forget them being occasions to show dignity and respect, more often than not they are opportunities for revenge and score-settling. When Coronation Street hairdresser Emma Brooker went to the church to mourn the man she thought was her father, Steve Mcdonald thought it was the right time to reveal that he was her biological dad. Classy as ever, Steve. At least there wasn’t a punch-up in the graveyard, as there was at Tina Mcintyre’s funeral.

Emmerdale’s bitter Megan Macey used her eulogy at her dad Frank’s service to tell the villagers exactly what she thought of them all. And who can forget Lucy Beale’s funeral in Eastenders, where Max Branning was exposed as her secret lover?

Not that soap funerals are all a dead loss (pardon the pun). The send-offs for Lisa Dingle, Deirdre Barlow and Aidan Connor were thoughtful and moving. And Eastenders’ decision to incorporate the real-life families of knife-crime victims into Shakil Kazemi’s funeral was brave and powerful.

Jaci Stephen is away

LOVE REALLY IS BLIND

‘You’re like ’im off Wolf Of Wall Street’ Gemma to Chesney, Coronation Street HONEST APPRAISAL ‘You’re not cursed, you’re just stupid’ Dan to Kerry, Emmerdale

■ A RING FOR RUBY?

Ben is fearful when he realises Callum is serious about wanting to join the police. Understandable, since he’s never done an honest day’s work in his life. Convicted killer Bobby, on the other hand, thinks it’s a great idea. I guess with someone as dozy as Callum on the force, the chances of being caught are dramatically reduced.

Talking of wrong ’uns, Max Branning feels humiliated when customers at the E20 assume he’s girlfriend Ruby’s dad. He’s lucky they didn’t think he was her grandad. Even so, Max (pictured, with Ruby) thinks

it’s time to take a big step in their relationship. If you laid all of Max’s former partners end to end they’d fit around the Square twice over, but you’ve got to admire his optimism.

Encouraged by his equally disastrous-inlove brother Jack, Max decides to propose. A buoyed-up Max turns to Bobby for help in popping the question. I know Walford isn’t packed with wise people but why is everyone seeking his counsel all of a sudden?

Ian meddles so that Max’s proposal ends up being a very public affair. Will Ruby agree to become the fifth Mrs Branning? Not if she’s got any sense.