SOAP WATCH

Year on year, soaps are among the most viewed programmes over Christmas. From Eastenders’ Dirty Den serving divorce papers to Angie in 1986, to this year’s big question – will Sharon’s baby daddy be revealed? – Walford continues to dominate the ratings. But Emmerdale and Corrie are never far behind.

Amid so much competition in the TV schedule, it’s no mean feat to grab those festive viewers, either. Last year, both Strictly Come Dancing and Michael Mcintyre’s Big Show were right up there with the soaps, which also have the tough job of upping the ante from the incredible drama they bring us the rest of the year. It used to be the case that they saved their big storylines for the festive season; but now, with every week packed with murders, kidnappings, suicides, terminal illnesses, et al, how on Earth do you top them and win the Christmas ratings war?

The revelation of an affair is a surefire winner; so is a death (just don’t let it be the family dog; there are some things that are a complete no-go area). My prediction for this year is that Eastenders will win the battle. I fear for your life, Sharon; I really do.

■ SILENT NIGHT? NO CHANCE

You have to feel sorry for Ollie, who doesn’t land a lead in the school nativity, but then the only theatrical skill he will have picked up at home is overacting – not a huge requirement for a shepherd. Mick (pictured with Ollie and Linda) alights upon an idea (always a concern) and plans his own nativity. Alas, he quickly realises it’s not easy. Seriously? Grab a few sheets from the airing cupboard and borrow a local baby – goodness knows, there are enough people breeding them.

Mick’s unlikely saviour is Bailey, who has an adaptable story. But when Mick invites

the school mothers to the performance, he’s not prepared for their response.

Despite the show’s success, Mick is concerned about Linda’s drinking. Who wouldn’t be? Overnight, the woman has turned into a walking vineyard. Given the rate she throws back wine, you can’t help wondering why she doesn’t just park her tongue and cut out the middle man. Not since Jesus turned water into wine has alcohol been drunk at such breakneck speed. Still, things could be worse: Mick could’ve cast her as Mary, which would’ve given a whole new meaning to Away In A Manger.