A CHRISTMAS WITHOUT DOGS? YOU MUST BE BARKING!

They might send the Monopoly board flying and try to steal the turkey, but despite all the chaos Ben Fogle insists...

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even... our black Labrador Storm, who was too busy snoring away on our bed, dreaming of Brussels sprouts and gravy. In our house, birthdays, Easter and Christmas have always involved our dogs. Every birthday my wife Marina bakes a dog-friendly cake, and doggy friends are invited for doggy games. At Easter, Bonio biscuits are hidden around the garden instead of chocolate eggs. And Christmas? Well, dogs and Christmas go together like mulled wine and mince pies.

When I was a child, our house was often filled with more dogs than people at Christmas. As the son of a vet, it wasn’t unknown for me to celebrate it with a dozen dogs all staying in my parents’ tiny farm cottage in Sussex, but that’s just how I liked it. Dad was always on call, driving around in his animal ambulance, and over Christmas we used to accompany him, calling in on elderly people whose pets were often not very ill at all – I think Dad only went through compassion, to provide company. We would also take turns acting as nurse at the veterinary clinic over Christmas. I used to love helping Dad give injections – Fogle family Christmases were anything but standard.

Of course, dogs do add an element of risk. Once, one of our golden retrievers leapt up and pulled a diamond earring off my mother, the actress Julia Foster, and swallowed her precious heirloom.

We had to wait a week for it to re-emerge, and we still have an X-ray of the moment it did, taken on Dad’s machine. It still makes me smile.

When dogs become overly playful, particularly Labradors, they run in uncontrollable figures of eight. We call them ‘crazy turns’. In a fit of euphoria they’ll rush round and round the Christmas tree – I’ve seen a dog run into the cable for the lights and pull the tree down. Also, beware of lowhanging decorations, which make tempting toys. And don’t leave food gifts under the tree unless you want Santa’s little helper (dressed as a golden retriever) opening them in the middle of the night.

And while we’re on the subject of food, make sure it’s all pushed back from the edge of the work surfaces when you’re cooking. We’ve even bought a ‘cage’ to protect our cakes and breads from canines. We call it the ‘cake prison’. Secure bins too – dogs love raiding them, and a turkey carcass can be too tempting to resist. But bones become brittle when cooked and can splinter in the mouth, so don’t let the dog steal the turkey for your own good and theirs.

Also, remember chocolate isn’t the only thing that’s toxic to dogs – mince pies contain dried fruit that can cause kidney failure, as can grapes, onions, leeks and garlic. Be wary too of Christmas plants. Poinsettias can be poisonous when eaten, and mistletoe, holly and even Christmas trees can all cause stomach upsets for dogs. Instead, try making your dog a special Christmas dinner. There are many suitable recipes online.

I can also remember quite a few tearful moments as a child at Christmas after Honey or Liberty or Lexington walked across the Monopoly board (usually when I was winning), sending houses and hotels flying. I can recall the horror as they crushed my beloved Scalextric cars with their paws and stole pieces of Lego. But this is all part of the doggy deal, the pact we make with our fourlegged friends. In return for love, friendship and loyalty, we accept accidents.

Some dogs don’t mind wearing a Christmas jumper, but Fogle dogs are far too doggy for that. We settle for a Christmas collar; it’s less humiliating. There are plenty available online, and our children Ludo and Iona love giving Storm presents.

Christmas can be a very lonely time for many people. If you have a dog, consider training it to become a Pets As Therapy dog. You can then share your dog’s love by visiting hospitals and care homes and help bring some happiness to those who don’t have family. Christmas is all about sharing and caring. Kindness matters.

And spare a thought for the thousands of animals in shelters that have no loving family. Consider making a donation to help look after those animals – Ludo and Iona often donate their pocket money to animals in need. Another option is buying your cards and wrapping paper from animal charities.

Animals have always had an important role at Christmas; it just wouldn’t be the same without Santa’s Rudolph or the partridge in a pear tree. But for me, no Christmas is complete without a dog. And remember, a dog is for life, not just Christmas. Please don’t ever give a dog as a present. They don’t come with a gift receipt, and can’t be returned. ■

‘The dogs crushed my beloved Scalextric cars with their paws’

Ben at his London home with Labrador Storm, and (inset) aged four with his mum, sisters and family dog