CORONATION STREET

Why are people in soapland not more adventurous? Most appear never to have seen a map of the UK, let alone the world. Apart from Kaffy’s non-deff in Sarf Arfrikka in Eastenders, there’s little evidence anyone has ventured beyond Europe.

This week, Corrie’s residents go to Blackpool (ye gods, how will they cope with the change in air pressure?); Eastenders’ Lisa has been banging on about Portugal for longer than that country’s Eurovision winners did in 2017 (trust me, that was a lot); and in Emmerdale, a trip into Leeds requires more preparation than a six-week safari.

Production budgets limit the adventures characters can enjoy; hence when the Eastenders go ‘up west’ (on the Tube, no less – how exciting is that?), they ponder it for days, worried about where they’ve put their passports. When Corrie writes absences into the scripts, characters are rarely further than a train ride away, yet all return with the kind of tan that makes them invisible in the dark. As for Emmerdale, it seems the second a character suggests leaving the village, they kill them off. Talk about possessive.

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■ TOWERING ACHIEVEMENT

There’s always a worry when Rita and Blackpool appear in the same sentence – if she gets anywhere near a microphone (difficult to avoid in seaside resorts), there’s a chance she’ll launch into song – or lose her latest husband under a tram (I swear Alan Bradley died trying to get away from her singing).

The show’s 10,000th episode (huge congratulations!) sees Rita in Blackpool, the only place most locals have heard of outside Weatherfield. After she receives a parcel containing ex-husband Dennis’s ashes with a request for her to scatter them in her old haunt,

Ken agrees to go with her (hardly a rollercoaster ride). It’s party time when Jenny (main picture, with Rita) books a coach and invites others along (inset). What could go wrong? We’re promised that, by the end, lives will change and a local will realise it’s time to leave the cobbles for pastures new (hopefully not the kind housing people six feet under).

Back at home, Geoff’s torture of Yasmeen gathers pace when he involves her in a magic trick with a locked box. Can’t someone make Geoff disappear in a puff of smoke? Where’s David Blaine when you need him? Or Sooty. Izzy whizzy, let’s get bizzy.