EASTENDERS

■ DENNIS THE MENACE

Fischer vs Spassky, Ali vs Frazier, Buzz Lightyear vs Woody – to those great rivalries can now be added Bobby vs Dennis, Walford’s answer to... well, possibly only a remake of Dumb And Dumber. With Sharon intent on getting back into her son’s good books (not that he can read one), will her friendship with Bobby and the Beales ignite Dennis’s jealousy? Maybe it just needs Sharon’s false eyelashes to come between the warring lads (pictured, with Bobby on the left); no one in their right mind would take them on. Already into the second month of the year and Linda is still drunk; that woman knows how to break a resolution. After falling asleep, she leaves Ollie in danger, but how will this affect her future as the boy’s mother? Doubtless she’ll mull it over with a drink in the pub. Shirley is determined to make her face her problems (they’re in front of you, Shirley – it’s your son!) and wants her to attend an addiction support session. Try saying that phrase sober, let alone drunk, Linda. Why is it being held in the community centre, by the way? That’s hardly discreet. Why not have it in the Queen Vic and have done with the subtleties? Finally, Linda goes, but afterwards breaks down and gets drunk again and ends up ruining Ollie’s drawings. That’s no great loss – he’s no Rembrandt. Sharon is at hand, encouraging Linda to fight for her marriage. That’s as useful as having Hannibal Lecter by your side at an all-you-can-eat salad bar.