EASTENDERS EMMERDALE

■ LOOKING LIKE A MUG

The idea that any robber worth their salt would put Albert Square at the top of their hitlist is, of course, preposterous. What is there to nick? Kat’s hair dye? Linda’s non-waterproof mascara?

Keegan and Tiffany are stunned to see someone running from their flat and discover they’ve been burgled. During the scuffle, the robber (pictured with Tiffany) takes Tiffany’s wedding ring, yet it’s an injured Keegan who ends up getting handcuffed. It seems the mugger’s not the only mug around there. As I’ve been saying for years, when is a decent locksmith going to move into the area? You could open most people’s doors with little effort (no, I wasn’t the burglar; I was in the Vic at the time).

Life at the pub seems to be getting back to normal (well, as normal as it can ever be in the Public House of Horrors) when Linda’s homemade costume wins Ollie second prize in a school competition (please tell me she made it by cutting up the monstrosity she was wearing at Christmas). Clearing away a secret stash of alcohol, she’s touched by Tina’s encouragement and support. Just in case this is the last we see of drunken Linda, let’s raise a glass (of lemonade, obviously) to Kellie Bright, whose performance has been nothing less than sublime in recent weeks.

There’s not much good news for anyone else. Whitney faces her bail hearing, Bex’s passport goes missing, there’s a shock for Jay, and a tree-planting ceremony for Daniel that doesn’t go according to plan. He’s well out of it all.

■ FREEDOM FIGHTER

The best thing about Marlon’s release from prison is that we’ll no longer be subjected to the dreadful campaign declaring his innocence. When the Dingle clan are yelling support on the outside, it’s time to beg the guards for handcuffs to ensure you stay banged up.

Not everyone is on Marlon’s side, and when April receives a bullying text calling her dad a murderer, he tries to support her (pictured). As if this isn’t tiring enough, he learns that Charity and Ryan stole Kim’s money and Kim hired someone to kill Graham. If you thought Gordon Ramsay was a hot-headed chef, Marlon is a veritable Vesuvius.