Eastenders

■ Band of BRUVVERS There are few certainties in Walford, but this much is true: Ian and Max will do anyfast thing to make a buck, lie and cheat to get what they want, and wear the same clothes for years without ever putting them in the wash.

When the two get together (pictured), there is only trouble ahead, and when Ian susses Habiba’s latest plan, he reveals all to Max and later makes him an offer he can’t refuse (there aren’t many offers Max refuses, especially if they involve scantilyclad ladies offering him everything on a plate. And we’re not talking his dinner).

Martin also gets an offer he can’t refuse. After tackling a thief, Ruby offers him a security job at the club. Ooh, that’ll be a tough one: having to hold back the dozen people t ey ge hope he has SAS backup.

It’s less of a good week for Phil, who has a big decision to make regarding The Job. Yes, I’ve forgotten what it is; I suspect Phil has too. Anyway, there are only two types of job in Walford: there’s a Big Job – cue Mick frowning a lot and doing his bad Don Corleone impression, and Phil staring at a bottle of whisky before deciding to pour it down the sink (the most inebriated pipes in Britain); and a Little Job – anything involving Ben screwing up. You have been warned, Phil. .

■ two’s not company

Callum (left) is lovely, but in terms of support for Ben he’s as useful as a chocolate teapot and is on a hiding to nothing when it comes to talking to him – not just due to Ben’s hearing loss. There’s more tension when Ben is declared not well enough for surgery. With Ben and Phil brooding about the change of events, will Kaffy suspect something else is afoot? What do you fink, Kaffy? They’re certainly not discussing what colour grapes Ben would prefer when he finally has the op.

The longer coronavirus restrictions go on, the more other-worldly soapland feels. A major difficulty is that owing to the reduced number of episodes, events are out of sync. Thus, in Coronation Street, hot cross buns were being eaten at the end of April instead of in the middle; and on Monday last week, Gail celebrated her birthday, when the actual date is 16 April.

It’s strange, in hospital scenes (all three soaps featured them last week), for there to be no mention of Covid-19 or, in pubs, for nobody to be discussing what is currently an international topic of conversation.

Despite the odd hand-washing lesson thrown in, according to Government guidelines (20 seconds singing Happy Birthday twice), I still can’t get through the ditty once in under 15 seconds.amiocd?

But an escape from reality is what we all need right now and, for the moment, anyway, the soaps continue to deliver the security blanket of the familiar. How many episodes they have left in the bag remains to be seen, and how productions will deal with major rewrites will be a fascinating masterclass and probably a TV documentary: When A Pandemic Messes With Your Schedule. ITV are probably already in pre-production. From a safe distance, of course.

MOVIE BUFF

‘West Side Story, directed by Quentin Tarantito’ (sic).

Bernie to Craig, about a rough estate, Corrie CULTURAL ATTACHÉ

‘I think of her as an Asian Emily Bishop.’

Eileen to Tim, about Yasmeen, Corrie

■ oliver – another twist

There is never a comfortable way to do storylines involving children and illness, and Oliver’s return to hospital is devastating to Leanne and Steve (pictured with Oliver). Having been suffits fering unexplained they thought was epilepsy, the doctor breaks the news (inset) that the lad may have mitochondrial disease, an often inherited illness that can cause physical, developmental and cognitive disabilities.

Doubtless there will be many parents and organisations grateful for the attention being brought to this rare condition and empathising with Leanne and Steve, whose devastation feels distressingly

■ child Friendly

Edison, Aggie, James and Michael Bailey have certainly made their mark on the cobbles, and with the arrival of Michael’s ex Grace and their incredibly cute daughter Tianna, there’s a whole new dimension to the family. Seeing Michael with Tianna (pictured), I hope Grace has a change of heart about any future they may have. Let’s also hope the show gives the Baileys storylines other than racism and racism/ homophobia (talk about a double whammy; James

real. Will this revelation bring them closer together again?

In the midst of big issues at the moment – homophobia, racism, postpartum depression – there are still pockets of laughter to raise our spirits. In a light-hearted moment on Monday, Audrey said she had heard Portuguese wine – vinho verde – was all the rage. She shared a bottle (or two) with Gail, who reminisced about her childhood, being told to wash her hands (we know; enough of the infomercial). Audrey then bought wine in Dev’s on Friday. Out-of-sync editing, or just thirsty? Oh and Audrey – it’s half the price at the Co-op.

really pulled the short straw). Why, because the characters are black, do there always have to be predictable, issue-based plots? The good news, though, is that never having been the brightest bulb in the box, Edison might be about to see the light (geddit?).

In the middle of all the heavy stuff, thank goodness for the joyous coupling of Arthur and Evelyn (Maureen Lipman is sublime); they are a great pairing. When Tyrone finds them enjoying breakfast together, are we to assume, as he does, that Arthur stayed the night? Evelyn assures Fiz they are just good friends, but let’s hope not.

10 YEARS AGO – EMMERDALE

It was a busy week for cheating. John Barton was thrown out by wife Moira (pictured, with John) after he admitted kissing Eve Jenson. And Jamie Hope saw girlfriend Gennie Walker kissing his father Bob, which led Jamie to leave the village without her.

15 YEARS AGO – CORRIE

Author Mel Hutchwright (pictured, played by Ian Mckellen) tricked Book Club members into paying £200 each to finance the publishing of his latest novel. But Ken Barlow found out Mel was a fraudster, Lionel Hipkiss, who was duly sent packing.

20 YEARS AGO – EASTENDERS

Beppe di Marco was left fighting for his life after an accidental drugs overdose. To cure a headache, the nightclub boss (pictured) had taken some painkillers from the office drawer, but Billy Mitchell had stashed illegal drugs in the packet.

guy after all as he spends time in India in The Real Marigold Hotel (Thursday, 9pm, BBC1)