EASTENDERS

The Christmas TV ratings war is always eagerly awaited in soapland, where the big three compete for audiences. The storylines that dominate the festive season have always been brewing for months, and they never disappoint in terms of high drama.

The difficulty this year (certainly at the time of going to press) is that nobody knows what Christmas is going to look like in different parts of the country and this will inevitably affect what we see. It is doubtful that any large groups will be gathering in the soaps’ pubs, and it looks as though big family dinners are going to be a no-no, too. But here’s the real problem: soapland Christmas is a time when people have too much to drink and end up having sex with totally inappropriate locals. You can say goodbye to all that come December. If there are restrictions about how many can gather around a turkey, the only thing you’ll be seeing under the mistletoe is hand sanitiser.

Maybe this will be the year our favourite characters do what the rest of us do on Christmas Day: plonk ourselves in front of the telly and watch soap.

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‘Just stop; be normal.’ Aadi to Dev, Corrie SOCIAL

PRIORITIES

‘It would kill me to leave my conservatory and my hot tub.’ Sally to Debbie, Corrie

■ RAY OF NON-SUNSHINE Throughout her life, Denise (inset) has looked like a contestant on Mastermind who, having been told she has two minutes on her specialist subject, doesn’t look as if she could manage two minutes cleaning her teeth.

Men, accidents, poverty, and now a son she gave up for adoption: will anything ever go right for the poor woman? After feeling she is unable to bond with Raymond, she follows some leads at the Pentecostal church where Raymond’s adoptive father was a pastor (pictured). Fair play to Jack, who is being a great support in all this; quite frankly, he

just needs to get away and go up west for a few beers of an evening. Trust me, Jack: there are much easier women out there.

In another episode of Cartergate, Katy tells Mick he’s not Frankie’s dad – but is she telling The Troof? Is it Mick’s memory that is at fault, or is Katy yet another in a long line of psycho Walford women who wouldn’t know The Troof if it hit her over the head with the Queen Vic bust?

Hapless Frankie is caught in the middle of all this. Which version would she prefer? Discovering she has a dad (good!) or discovering that dad is Mick (bad!)?