SOAP WATCH

JACI STEPHEN’S ultimate insight into the week’s soaps

Yes, it’s that time of year again – but bizarrely, it feels as if Christmas 2019 was years ago; time drags in lockdown. We must be grateful to our soaps for working so hard to bring us terrific entertainment during these difficult times; and even more so during the festive season, when we are again promised the usual high drama and excitement that, for many, is the highlight of Christmas Day.

There are also stark warnings in among the jollity, though. If you were thinking of having lots to drink to alleviate Covid stress, you might not want to watch Corrie’s Peter, who is currently in the throes of a severe alcoholic relapse. Don’t upset the locals is the message of Eastenders, as Ian remains the target of someone’s anger. And avoid surprise weddings could well be the message in Emmerdale, with Chas unaware what Paddy has planned for the big day.

Given the unpredictability of restrictions in real life, anything on screen could well be out of sync with what is happening in the country, but let’s all suspend disbelief and pretend that soapland is real, if only for 24 hours. May your day be merry and bright!

DAMN WITH FAINT PRAISE ‘You’ve been good for most of your life.’ Laurel to Arthur, Emmerdale

KILLER QUESTION ‘What could be worse than attempted murder?’ Rainie to Stuart, Eastenders

■ NO WISE MEN, AS PER USUAL

Who attacked Ian isn’t exactly up there with Dallas’s ‘Who shot JR?’, but there are as many suspects in the frame. It’s usually someone who hasn’t been considered, so my guess is Rainie, who perceives Ian (pictured) to have ruined her life. All is revealed on Christmas Day, but will it be Ian’s last Christmas as someone makes a potentially lethal move? Ah, well, another not so silent night.

In full Walford mode, Kaffy wants all her fairm-ly togevver for Christmas (never a good idea), but as Ben, Peter and Bobby prepare to offer olive branches to Ian, ques

tions are raised about what appears to have been a small explosion at the Vic. Given what Ian has done to everyone, it is he who should be offering olive branches – actually, a few olive trees wouldn’t go amiss.

Will anyone get to enjoy the festivities? Karen is depressed without Chantelle, and Mick and Linda’s marriage doesn’t so much hit the rocks as set up residence in the Natural History Museum. Trying to read Mick’s mood, Linda (inset) has the permanent frown of someone trying to get to grips with War And Peace, in the original Russian.

EASTENDERS