SOAP WATCH

Emmerdale beats everyone hands down with religion (not least because of its over-active vestry). Currently, the village has both Charles and Harriet, even though the latter is holed up in a basement with only a Bible and a candle for company (and that’s an improvement on the company of certain men she’s entertained).

Corrie has Billy, newly promoted to archdeacon, even though he has never shown evidence of being able to find the church, let alone do anything in it when he gets there. Billy is the master of the Troubled Soul, always battling with his conscience, God and the latest man to walk into his life (for the record: the guy always wins.).

Until recently, Eastenders hasn’t been big on religion, although who can forget the arrival in 1997 of Alex Healy, who fell for Kaffy while her marriage to Phil was falling apart? The storyline drew criticism – one vicar complained that the BBC was portraying Christian characters as ‘jokes or frauds’. Mmmm. Just like everyone else, then?

Thank goodness, currently, for preacher turned serial killer Hot Lucas. Get behind me in the queue, Karen.

CHEERS FOR BEERS

All is right with the world once more. After a tedious game of musical landlords, Mick and Linda are back at the Vic (above). Quite why anyone in soapland ever thinks it’s a good idea to have an alcoholic running a bar is anybody’s guess, but at least Linda’s cardigans will once more be getting the airing they deserve. How will Stuart react when he starts to put together the pieces of the couple’s reversal of fortunes after hearing Frankie talking in the bar?

When is Gray going to give up on his quest to ensnare Whitney, and when is

she finally going to stand up to him and tell him that no, she can’t look after his kids? He’s at it again this week, asking her to stay late with them when she was hoping for a romantic night out with Kush. Just tell him no!

Question of the moment has to be how many more inventive ways the show is going to find for Peter to get his kit off? We’ve had him naked in the Square, trying to impress Ash; then, dripping wet and shirtless at Suki’s the week before last; in these Covid times of social distancing, it’s the greatest thrill we can hope for.