A TOAST TO THE GRAND FROMAGE OF SNACKS

THE most disconcerting story of the weekend came in Saturday’s Daily Mail. It reported a sharp drop in consumption of cheese on toast. According to the retail analyst Mintel, this might be caused by the fact that ‘cheese has had its critics in terms of the high levels of fat and salt’. It added that the greatest decline was among young adults, who say they prefer to snack on ‘a fajita or Pot Noodles’.

And that’s supposed to be healthier? The truth is that both salt and fat have been most unfairly stigmatised. The devil in diets is sugar — and there’s not much of that in a cheese toastie. Although I suppose you never know — every food writer seems to have his or her own patented recipe for ‘the perfect cheese on toast’ and probably one of them will have perversely suggested a sprinkle of something ing sweet. The Observer’s Jay Rayner, preposterously, addsdds bacon to his cheese on toastast recipe, on the grounds thathat ‘everything is better with th bacon’. I bet he doesn’t add dd bacon to his ice-cream.m. Besides, Croque Monsieur ur — a hot cheese and hamm sandwich — is a French ch invention. I admire Frenchch cuisine, as all civilised peopleple must: but that is not its finest moment.

Recently, the British Cheese Board revealed what it described as the ‘formula’ for the perfect cheese on toast: 50g of cheese, sliced, on top of 10mm thick white bread, put under a grill for four minutes at a temperature of 115c, with the cheese 18cm distant from the grill. Allow me to offer the much simpler Dominic Lawson patented method, ideal for those in a hurry or the very clumsy.

Put two bits of bread in toaster for three-and-ahalf minutes. Remove. Take as many strips as you wish of pre-sliced cheese, now widely available in all supermarkets: Emmenthal is my choice, but Cheddar will do, of course. Place strips on toast. Put in microwave at maximum power for 45 seconds. Remove. Eat. Repeat, if necessary. You will not regret it. I never have.