I’m so confused by mid-life dating

QUESTION: A grisly divorce means I have plunged into the world of dating again at 53. What confuses me is the etiquette. Many men are as non-committal as boys in their 20s. I saw someone for six months, only to discover he was dating two other women simultaneously. Does this mean I should string three suitors along at the same time? Help!

ANSWER: Online dating is the romantic equivalent of the Wild West for middle-aged daters.

Unlike the young, who arrange hook-ups with apps such as Tinder, we are stumbling incomers — exiled from safe turf and familiar customs.

Even the concept of dating is new for Brits of a certain age, for whom the custom of ‘going out’ meant you were in an exclusive pub-going relationship. The Americanisation of our language means we’ve adopted the word dating without its social nuance.

In the U.S., going on a date with someone often implies an early days, speculative arrangement. This shop-around mentality has been brought here. So you might as well take the opportunity to size up several suitors.

So, I’m afraid you do have to brace yourself for the possibility of meeting men who are dating other people and (dread phrase) keeping their options open. The man you were seeing was clearly of this mould.

But if he was a halfway decent human being he would have mentioned he was also seeing other women.

If you dislike multi-dating, make that clear. You can sign up to websites such as eHarmony, which requires applicants to fill in questionnaires, meaning you can specify a little commitment.

Another option is to hedge your bets with the best (and worst) of them.

It boils down to this golden rule: treat others as you wish to be treated yourself. There are plenty of old-fashioned chaps out there. Men who like playing the field should be left to fickle women who do the same.