Ephraim Hardcastle

WAS it necessary for Nick Clegg to see the Queen after Parliament was dissolved – or was his visit to Buckingham Palace arranged to make him look important? A source who studies constitutional matters tells me: ‘Nick Clegg wanted his own audience with the Queen. Trouble is, it would have been a constitutional innovation and the Queen is wary of those. So Clegg, who, as well as being Deputy PM, is also Lord President of the Council, called a meeting of the Privy Council for just after Cameron’s visit. It was spun that this was a farewell visit to the Queen as Deputy PM and Lord President and his car was followed up the Mall by the news helicopters. I don’t suppose HM was amused.’ THIRSTY Ukip leader Nigel Farage says Dad’s Army makes him cry, busty Carry On star Barbara Windsor is his favourite actress and he would have liked the late Terry-Thomas, pictured, to have portrayed him in a biographical film. Would the sublime T-T, who died in 1990, have approved? Surely he is more likely to have dismissed Nigel, and the Ukip, as ‘an absolute shower’, his favourite term of disapprobation? SKY News broadcaster Eamonn Holmes, 55, edges his portly frame into the election debates, deploring the absence of parties from his native Northern Ireland. ‘So, what if the Northern Irish MPs eventually hold the balance of power?’ he Tweets rhetorically. ‘Say what you want about us but it’s wrong to ignore us.’ Does political ambition stir in the ample breast of l’homme sérieux, Eamonn? EX Tory cabinet minister Michael Portillo’s latest BBC2 series, State Secrets, in which he explores the National Archives, seems a little fruity for its 6.30pm time slot. Poring over a 1970 exhibition of ‘lewd lithographs’ drawn by John Lennon, which was raided by the police, he exclaims in mock horror: ‘Yes, ha, ha! Ooh John! They are pretty explicit. They show all the variations of sexual intercourse and a few solo performances by Yoko Ono.’ Miguel must take a cold shower and return to his usual, more restful TV preoccupation of train journeys featuring in Bradshaw’s Railway Guide. THE Prime Minister, David Cameron, says he’s often stopped by people in his Witney, Oxfordshire, constituency seeking photos, which he blames on ‘the curse of the selfie’. He says: ‘The picture is so important to them, you often don’t get the conversation.’ No politician would dare refuse selfies now. The offence caused would reverberate on social media. They’d have to make a public apology. Who will smash the tyranny of selfie seekers? THE Who frontman Roger Daltrey, 71, who first sang the line ‘Hope I die before I get old’ 50 years ago, tells America’s Rolling Stone magazine: ‘We have to be realistic. I want us to stop at the top of our game.’ Oh dear, shouldn’t they tell the old boy that ship sailed long ago?