How to shut a phone devil up... with a song

OON MY WAY to scotland, i was looking forward to staying for a few days with a retired classmate. i’d made a special trip to the mainline station, had booked a month early, and had a window seat at a good price with my senior railcard. i settled back to enjoy the ride, and then a snake appeared in my eden: a rather overdressed, tiny figure in green slid in from the next carriage. ignoring the vacant double seats all round, she advanced on my four-seater table, and settled down without glancing at me. out came her iphone and tablet, and she began some sort of executive conference call. oh well, i thought, she’ll be finished soon. she wasn’t. the calls went on and on, loud and lengthy, and i found i could no longer concentrate on my book. After 20 minutes i’d had enough. ‘excuse me,’ i asked politely, ‘is that the seat you booked? You’re making rather a lot of noise.’ mean little chocolatebrown eyes glanced over at me for the first time. she said haughtily: ‘i booked in the quiet carriage, but i decided i’d like to make some business calls.’ Well,’ i said quietly, ‘you are disturbing me.’ her eyes narrowed. ‘Why don’t you move to the quiet carriage, then?’ she suggested, and went back to her calls. ‘er, when are you getting off?’ i asked hopefully. But she ignored me and tapped in another phone number. At this i felt really cross. if she could make a lot of noise, so could i. so i began to sing. After a verse of the Wild mountain thyme and another folk song, her calls ceased and she went over to texting aggressively, frowning furiously the while. We did not look at each other again. she could not move away without losing face. i was glad to see her get off at the next major stop. i understand that some train companies have stopped having quiet carriages, not because of booking difficulties, but because staff are tired of refereeing disputes between passengers. if there are a lot of rude and selfish people like this about, i can see why.

Deirdre Barrie, Enfield, Middlesex.