JONATHAN CAINER

LISTENING back to my recent appearance on BBC Radio 4’s Vote Now Show, I can see why I annoyed Jon Holmes, the nice chap who interviewed me. He kept pushing for a prediction about the outcome of the General Election. I kept refusing to make one. I’m still reluctant. If I tell you who I think will win and if it doesn’t happen to tally with what you’re hoping to hear, I will upset and annoy you. And what if you are so glad to hear the result I foresee that you then relax and forget to vote?

ARIES Mar 21 — Apr 20 HAVE you a doppelganger or a time twin? Does someone else lead a lifestyle that is highly similar to yours? Or perhaps the uncanny comparisons have less to do with habits and more to do with distinguishing features. Or perhaps you are part of a pair born with exactly the same first and family name yet who are unrelated. So there. No one can say that we have not considered all the caveats. Even so, you are unique and special and, today, you will enjoy appropriately special celestial support. Lift your spirits! Change your future! Call now for your NEW spookily accurate Moon-sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth. Call 0906 751 5601.

TAURUS WHY can’t you have Apr 21 — May 21 what you want? Imagine that you are your guardian angel. You see yourself hankering after some much-desired objective. Yet you also see (thanks to your elevated perspective as a quasi-deity) that the ‘human you’ has made the wrong choice. There was a far superior, infinitely preferable and equally attainable alternative that you had overlooked. The only way to get you to see this might be to engineer a situation in which the less satisfactory target eluded you. Could that be the case? Lift your spirits! Change your future! Call now for your NEW spookily accurate Moon-sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth. Call 0906 751 5602.

GEMINI WERE we all May 22 — June 22 created equal? Are our opportunities broadly similar? Are the distinctions between our assets and advantages largely academic? Or are some people born with a little extra special something? Perhaps they have it their whole lives, perhaps their charms and talents suddenly blossom in a seasonal flurry that makes them, at least briefly, irresistibly radiant. The length of your cosmic boon is arguable. But there can be no debate that right now, at least, you have got it. Lift your spirits! Change your future! Call now for your NEW spookily accurate Moon-sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth. Call 0906 751 5603.

CANCER WE HAVE talents June 23 — July 23 we never use, abilities we rarely explore. Natural, positive predilections which, due to life’s apparent ongoing determination to swamp us with endless mundane difficulties and responsibilities, we simply get no chance to remember, let alone to develop. Nonetheless, these resources reside within us and, when times are tight enough or needs are great enough, we can draw upon them to great advantage. Prepare to be pleasantly surprised by what you prove capable of. Lift your spirits! Change your future! Call now for your NEW spookily accurate Moon-sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth. Call 0906 751 5604.

LEO IF YOU don’t uncross your July 24 — Aug 23 fingers, how will you keep hold of that sprig of lucky heather? But if you clutch that too tightly, you may miss the fourleaf clover you see in the corner of your eye. And what if, in bending to reach for this, you might fail to spot a black cat that would otherwise have crossed your path. That’s the trouble with an ace-in-the-hole. You’ve got to keep checking the right aces are in the right holes. Or you have just got to decide you are your own ace and that you already have all you need. Lift your spirits! Change your future! Call now for your NEW spookily accurate Moon-sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth. Call 0906 751 5605.

VIRGO WE ALL love to feel Aug 24 — Sep 23 clever. We particularly enjoy feeling that we are smarter than other folk. Some, it seems, enjoy that so much that they will do almost anything to attain it. They may even try to persuade themselves that they are more clever than they are by wilfully ignoring arguments and suggestions that might detract from the supposed superiority of their position, which is not, of course, really a very clever thing to do at all. Let someone else think that they are smarter than you. It could

work in your favour. Lift your spirits! Change your future! Call now for your NEW spookily accurate Moon-sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth. Call 0906 751 5606.

LIBRA Sep 24 — Oct 23 THERE are pros and cons to all decisions. Even basic dilemmas such as: ‘Shall I cross the road or wait until after this next car has gone by?’ If we spend long enough weighing up all the what-ifs, we can remove some of those confusing options — those that are time sensitive, for example! If you were waiting for a car to pass and it passed, you hardly need to sit around wondering what to do about it any more. But are you in danger of letting an opportunity pass you by? Not if you are quick. Lift your spirits! Change your future! Call now for your NEW spookily accurate Moon-sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth. Call 0906 751 5607.

SCORPIO Oct 24 — Nov 22 POSITIVE propositions don’t always fill us with hope and encouragement when we first hear them. Just as the finest gifts under the Christmas tree are not always the ones wrapped in the shiniest paper and tied with the snazziest bows, so ideas should not be evaluated on the strength of their superficial appeal alone. We should be exceptionally careful about dismissing the suggestions that we are not so sure we like the sound of. Sometimes, these genuinely warrant a second thought. Think again. Lift your spirits! Change your future! Call now for your NEW spookily accurate Moon-sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth. Call 0906 751 5608.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 23 — Dec 21 TV SETS once came with an adjustable picture contrast button. Perhaps they still do. Maybe it is hidden among all those strange switches at the bottom of the remote control. Perhaps a younger reader, with sharperThat contrast eyesight, control could let writethe viewerin and increaselet us know. the distinction between objects. Edges became sharper. Subtleties disappeared. How are you looking at life? You can turn that inner contrast down. Lift your spirits! Change your future! Call now for your NEW spookily accurate Moon-sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth. Call 0906 751 5609.

CAPRICORN Dec 22 — Jan 20 POLITICIANS need the electorate to feel fearful or how can they offer them reassurance in exchange for their vote? Insurance agents also need folk to worry about what the future may hold. How else will they sell us all those expensive policies? What is the last thing that those who stand to profit from perpetrating doom and gloom might ever wish to hear? The still, calm, comforting voice of someone who seeks to share hope and reassurance. But that is no reason to keep an advocate of positivity silent. Lift your spirits! Change your future! Call now for your NEW spookily accurate Moon-sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth. Call 0906 751 5610.

AQUARIUS Jan 21 — Feb 19 SOME situations grant us no tolerance for error. We handle challenges well and wisely or we misjudge them badly and must accept whatever may ensue. Our awareness of this heightens a natural reluctance to take unnecessary chances. But often being risk averse can, in itself, be risky! It can place in jeopardy an objective that might be attained through a small amount of foolhardy experimentation. Don’t become rooted to the spot with too much caution. Lift your spirits! Change your future! Call now for your NEW spookily accurate Moon-sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth. Call 0906 751 5611.

PISCES Feb 20 — Mar 20 WE ASK one another: ‘Do you believe in God?’ We should ask: ‘Does God believe in us?’ If, indeed, there is a God, does He/She/It bestow any greater favour on the religious? And if nonbelievers are to be punished while upholders of false traditions are to be corrected, then what kind of narrow-minded and judgmental character must the creator of the cosmos be? Humanity needs no help in exploring the ugly side of itself. But if you strive for grace and inspiration, you may yet be amazed by how much you find. Lift your spirits! Change your future! Call now for your NEW spookily accurate Moon-sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth. Call 0906 751 5612.