I’m still a virgin at 50!

QUESTION: Somehow, I have managed to reach the age of 50 without having sex. I find men attractive and some have liked me back, but I’ve never moved past kissing. I’ve led a fulfilling life, but feel sad that physical passion has escaped me. Should I let go of any hope of it now?

ANSWER: Many women will relate to what you say. Why? Because losing your virginity can feel like a Herculean task at any age. Rare is the person who doesn’t fear the unknown.

Rather too much is made of the differences between sexual experience and inexperience, as if erotic wisdom is instantly bestowed upon those who lose their virginity. In fact, it takes a while for most to feel assured.

It’s being loved by a partner that engenders confidence, in my experience. But finding such a connection takes time.

What I’m saying is: don’t focus on age. Lots of women report having the best sex in their 50s, so why not start in your prime?

I am so inspired by my middleaged female friends’ willingness to embark on new adventures, whether it be climbing in the Alps or learning to tango. The other day, I met a woman who married for the first time at 72.

All you have to do is decide what you want, then embark on a quest to find it. Dating websites make this easier. You are not the first 50-year-old virgin (there are several Christian dating sites for virgins), and you will find male counterparts. It can be comforting to be naive together.

Also consider whether you actually want to have sex or just feel as if you should. It’s perfectly possible to have a relationship that doesn’t involve sex if, in fact, companionship is your true aim.

If you’re open to experiences, your life will become enriched whatever the sexual outcome.