A minute’s silence for Desmond the Duck...

TAKING their lead from last week’s candlelit vigil for Bessie the cow in Northumberland, villagers in Somerset are holding a funeral for a duck.

A drake called Desmond, who lived in a pond in Compton Martin for 25 years, was killed by a fox this week, leaving only a pile of feathers behind.

The church flag will be flown at half-mast and locals will hold a wake in the village pub, where they intend to drink whisky laced with duck eggs.

This animal sentimentalism is getting completely out of hand. Where’s it all going to end?

Today, it’s a wake for a drake. I dread to think what’ll happen if someone runs over a lamb in the next few days.

There’ll be no stopping the Portashrine crowd.

Coming soon: National Weep For A Sheep Week.

ED MILIBAND was conspicuous by his absence from the Commons chamber during the Queen’s Speech.

He’s only been sighted a couple of times since Labour’s crushing defeat. Once on a plane from Ibiza, another time outside an organic cafe in North London. Where has he vanished to?

Mail reader Don Spurgeon has tracked him down and has sent me this picture he took on holiday last week.

It appears Mister Ed is now working as a barman in Kyrenia, Northern Cyprus.

FROM the tea-time quiz show Pointless, BBC1 on Tuesday. One round was on famous assassinations from history.

For instance, who was killed by John Wilkes Booth in Washington D.C, in 1865? You get the gist. Presenter Alexander Armstrong: ‘Who was shot by Lee harvey Oswald in Dallas?’

Dopey bird: ‘Was it J.r.?’