Ephraim Hardcastle
WHITHER the status of Michael Middleton, father of future Queen Kate, grandfather of future King George? Royals normally marry each other, or someone from the nobility with titles and a distinguished pedigree, otherwise they improve the rank of incomers. Princess Margaret’s untitled husband, Antony Armstrong-Jones, was ennobled as Earl of Snowdon to give their children titles. So it is likely that Michael Middleton will be offered an earldom, making his wife Carole a countess, his son, James, a viscount and his daughter, Pippa, a lady. But there’s no rush. ‘Michael’s still getting used to having a coat of arms, so the expectation is that the earldom might be offered as part of a tranche of appointments made when Charles becomes king,’ a source suggests.
DESCRIBING Sir Elton John disrespectfully as Reg Dwight, the ‘fat, gay piano player doing cover songs for Woolworths and their Embassy cheap vinyl label,’ exconvict Jonathan King, 70, boasts in a blog of masterminding the Rocket Man’s first UK No 1 hit in 14 years in 1990 with double A-side Healing Hands and Sacrifice. But Sir Elton didn’t, as King claims they agreed, appear on The Brits awards show, which King was producing, as thanks. ‘Sitting on his toilet chatting to him as he took a Hollywood shower I complained and he did thank me, although, being Elton, he qualified it by saying, “Sacrifice was the bigger hit of the two. I was right and you were wrong.” “No, you are Dwight and I am King,” I retorted.’ Is this revenge for Sir Elton failing to support King when he was jailed for seven years in 2001 for sex with underage boys?
ASKED by the eccentric Shortlist magazine who he’d save in a fire at his home – comedian Ricky Gervais, or showbiz dwarf Warwick Davis, pictured – actor Stephen Merchant says: ‘I’d save Warwick, because he’s lighter. I might hurt my back if I try to lift Ricky up. Whereas I could tuck Warwick under my arm and also save my TV! I could also save my Baftas.’ Playwright George Bernard Shaw was asked which work of art he’d save in a fire at the National Portrait Gallery. ‘The one nearest the door,’ was his reply.
THE BBC has dumped some of the tiresome gimmicks on Wimbledon 2Day but there seems no prospect of restoring popular host John Inverdale, who was sidelined after saying on air that tennis star Marion Bartoli was ‘no looker’. Yet his successor, Clare Balding, was promoted after humiliating Grand National winning jockey Liam Treadwell. She said while interviewing him: ‘He hasn’t got the best teeth in the world, but you can afford to go and get them done now if you like.’ She apologised and moved on. Inverdale apologised and was sacked.
FORMER Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond is reconciled with Tory business minister Anna Soubry, at whom he shouted in the Commons: ‘Behave yourself, woman!’ They flew back from Aberdeen together. ‘Behaving myself and enjoying the company of Alex Salmond,’ chirps Soubry. ‘Parliament pals,’ he adds. Hope Salmond’s Tory-abominating leader, perky First Minister Nicola Sturgeon, doesn’t get to hear about it.