TORRID TOON HAVE LEFT POOR ALAN LOST FOR WORDS

WE CAN only feel for Alan Shearer and his harrowing requirement to sum up Newcastle’s performances each week on Match of the Day. Embarrassing, shambolic, woeful, inept — the poor chap (right) is running out of adjectives, not to mention negative superlatives. He increasingly has nowhere to go. We must be thankful Newcastle’s next match is on a Sunday, or he might have had to strangle a bunny rabbit live on air.