Out of the mouths of babes

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Dur­ing one sum­mer, i was vis­it­ing my grand­son in Brighton. He was three years old, and we de­cided to play races in the small fam­ily gar­den. ‘On your marks, get set, go!’ — and grandma al­ways came sec­ond. Af­ter a while, we de­cided to have a rest, and as we sat side by side, i asked Stan­ley what was his se­cret of al­ways win­ning. He cupped his hand to my ear and whis­pered: ‘Grandma, just run very fast!’ Mrs Ros­alyn Jor­dan,

Barn­sta­ple, Devon.

Jokes

When it comes to di­etary ad­vice, i can cope with ‘eat noth­ing fatty’, but i strug­gle with ‘eat noth­ing, fatty’.

Vin­cent Hefter, Rich­mond, Surrey.

One-line Philoso­phers

Sell­ing Ad­vent cal­en­dars has opened a lot of doors for me.

P. Turberville, Mans­field, Notts.

if You are poor at spell­ing, it helps if your hand­writ­ing is bad, too.

Mrs Va­lerie Ashton, Lon­don N14.

Wordy­wise

WELLORS — Lady Chat­ter­ley’s gran knew the vic­tor at water­loo. Mark Wraith, Ne­wark, Notts.

BOWER PLANT — dog rose. L. E. Auger, Swin­don, Wilts.

GERRY AND THE PATEMAKERS — smooth rock Bel­gian band.

Ian Jop­son, Cardiff. DAIJEELING — a welsh blend of tea.

Ed­ward Mil­lar, Cardiff.

This Eng­land

No Bar­gains here, then! Seen in the Here­ford Times: ‘Christ­mas fete. Stalls and en­ter­tain­ment. Amaz­ing BiG prices.’

G. James, Here­ford.

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