The wives driven CRAZY by the sound of their husbands chewing
Believe it or not, it’s a real medical condition
ON VALENTINE’S Day, Jan Noble’s husband, Murray, didn’t book a romantic dinner for two in a quiet restaurant. He’s got more sense than that. A trip to the cinema was a much safer bet. And he definitely didn’t order any popcorn.
The reason? Jan cannot bear the sound of him chewing his food. It drives her into a violent rage.
For the record, poor Murray has impeccable manners and is no noisier when he eats than anyone else.
But full-time mother Jan, 48, suffers from a crippling condition called misophonia. Meaning ‘hatred of sound’, it is a sensitivity disorder that causes sufferers to be driven to distraction by certain noises.
For Jan it’s just one sound that triggers an extreme response: that of her muchloved husband eating.
Jan, who lives with Murray, 47, and their children Louise, six, and Cameron, four, in the Scottish borders, has suffered with misophonia for six years.
‘Normally it takes something pretty extreme to get me angry,’ she says. ‘Yet I only have to think about the sound of Murray chewing his food and I feel absolutely furious.
‘Hearing anyone else eat doesn’t bother me at all, but with my husband it’s like a terrible panic comes over me and I feel a frightening urge to physically attack him.
‘We need to have the radio on or the TV turned up during every meal to reduce the risk of me hearing him.
‘If I do, then God help him. My face goes scarlet, my heart pounds in my chest and I feel a strong urge to launch myself at him. I’ve never got physical, but a big part of me desperately wants to. It’s terrible.’
Other sufferers can have a wider repertoire of trigger sounds that cause them to react with degrees of stress and anxiety, ranging from irritation to rage.
Typically, offending noises include someone breathing, chewing gum, clicking a pen or typing. For some, the mere thought of hearing a sniff or a throat being cleared can make them sick with anxiety.
Emily Yarranton- Green, who lives in Kidderminster, West Midlands, with her electrician husband Paddy, 26, and their 18-month-old son Reggie, has suffered misophonia since her teens.
She can’t bear to hear anyone eating — including Paddy, who she glares at so venomously at meals that he often ends up throwing his food into the bin.
‘I also can’t stand hearing him breathing at night and the noise of him swallowing drives me crazy,’ she says. ‘It frightens me because I start to feel murderous towards him even though I know it’s me being unreasonable and not him.’
Care worker Emily, 28, also feels tense just thinking about the sound of someone eating crisps.
‘I’ve come close to snatching them off complete strangers — I glare, fantasising about grabbing the bag and throwing it to the ground and then jumping up and down on it. It’s as if the noise burns my insides.
‘My heart pounds, my toes curl and my fists clench.’ WHAT Emily and Jan describe when they talk about their misophonia is the evolutionary ‘fight or flight’ response that is triggered in humans when we feel in danger.
In misophonics, there is no threat yet the adrenaline-fuelled reaction is triggered when they hear certain, otherwise innocuous, sounds.
No one knows what causes the condition, but experts suspect it is less about the problem sound and more about the context in which it became an issue.
Clinical psychologist Dr David Holmes describes the disorder as an ‘audiological over-response’.
‘At some point, the sufferer made a strong negative association with a certain sound or sounds, which now trigger an extreme response every time they hear them,’ he says.
‘In terms of neurology, this has a lot to do with how the brain processes sound. When we register noise, the amygdala — a very old, primordial part of the brain that does a lot of the work in processing the feeling of fear — is stimulated.
‘This means you can sometimes end up tuning into a particular noise with an inappropriate fight or flight response, which then becomes your set reaction.’
Sound signals are processed by the thalamus, a part of the brain that acts like a switchboard for sensory information. It sends the signals to the amygdala.
There are two routes to this part of the brain: one is a direct path prompting an immediate emotional response to a sound. For example, a horn prompts fear and makes you jump out of the way.
The other route goes via the medial prefrontal cortex, which is a more advanced part of the brain allowing for a considered interpretation of the sound.
‘It seems that someone with misophonia processes certain non- threatening sounds without firing up the medial prefrontal cortex,’ says Dr Holmes.
‘Sufferers then feel a desperate urge to make the noise stop or run as far away from it as possible.’
The first time Jan reacted badly to Murray, who fits prosthetic limbs for disabled people, was when their daughter was a newborn.
‘She’d just gone to sleep and we sat down to our first meal alone together since having her,’ she says.
‘Murray started to eat and the sound of him chewing seemed so much louder than I’d ever noticed.
‘ I turned on him, furious, demanding to know why he was eating so horribly, convinced that he was doing it deliberately to upset me.
‘With every mouthful I was asking “What’s wrong with you?” and “Why are you doing this?”
‘This red mist seemed to descend on me and I was so angry with him. He was shocked and upset. He couldn’t understand what was happening.’
Jan believes that as a new mother she was tired and emotional, which exaggerated her response.
But, she says: ‘From that day on it’s been an enormous problem. It’s as if I’m in the grip of road rage.
‘The last time we went out for a meal we deliberately went to a restaurant we knew would have loud music playing — but I still made Murray stop chewing in the brief silence between the songs. We don’t bother going to restaurants any more.’
For Emily, the problem has become so acute that she’s thinking about seeking medical help.
‘It’s coming between us, but I’m worried my GP will think I’m being ridiculous and laugh me out of the surgery,’ she says.
A fear of not being taken seriously by the medical profession is common, says Guy Fitzmaurice, founder of the support group Misophonia UK. ‘ We have more than 1,000 members, but those with an actual diagnosis are very much in the minority,’ he says.
In Britain, diagnosis can be made by a psychiatrist, an audiologist or an ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat) consultant.
Sufferers are often prescribed Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to help manage symptoms.
This often means exposing them to the very sounds they struggle with, while helping them rationalise their response.
‘I know some members have had success with noise-cancelling headphones, which are sometimes prescribed on the NHS,’ says Guy.
University communications officer Steph Maguire, 34, from Newcastle, has developed coping mechanisms, including wearing headphones in the office.
‘At work I have to drown out the sound of people tapping on their keyboards with music, and that reduces the risk of me hearing anyone sniff or clear their throats or even breath in a certain way — all sounds guaranteed to make me feel completely insane,’ she says.
‘Another big problem for me is chewing gum. I once screamed in the face of a stranger who had been in a queue behind me repeatedly chewing and popping their gum.
‘Afterwards, I felt terrible. I have to keep reminding myself that my misophonia is not other people’s fault and I have no right to tell them how to eat and breathe.’ STRESS exacerbates Steph’s condition, so she practises yoga and meditation to keep calm. She and her partner, Angelo Maracci, 28, a construction manager, had a son, Nicolo, a month ago.
‘I know babies can make lots of grunting sounds, so I was worried how that might affect me,’ she says. ‘ But thankfully I have no problem with any of the noises Nicolo makes.’
Audiologist Jacqueline Sheldrake has diagnosed several patients with misophonia.
Like Dr Holmes, she believes there is a strong psychological element to the condition.
She says she can help with coping strategies, such as using another sound to cover the one that is causing the problem.
But she adds: ‘ You need some psychological input to help reverse or reduce some of the emotion that has become attached to the sound in the first place or it will always be a problem.’