Arggh! Pass the earplugs

QUESTION: What do Jude Law and Charlotte Church have in common? Apart from the obvious — and please stop using those naughty swear words.

ANSWER: Both have annoyed their neighbours this week.

To be frank, they both annoy me — and I don’t even live next door — but those unlucky enough to reside in the vicinity of these crusading stars have good reasons to be aggrieved.

In London, police were called to Law’s home in the early hours of Sunday after neighbours complained of atrocious noise levels at a party on his property. A live band played (‘it was as loud as a festival’) and the revels went on till 3am.

Meanwhile, Charlotte celebrated her 30th last weekend by holding a party in a garden marquee at her Welsh home. Music blared until past 5am and could be heard three miles away. The police were also called after complaints from local residents.

Both Jude and Charlotte dedicate themselves to making high-profile protests against injustices and the mistreatment of others; especially the crushing of the little guy verses assorted evil powerful interests.

Jude was at the Jungle camp in Calais this week (pictured), urging others to do more to help child migrants.

Charlotte thinks the Tories and their anti-austerity policies are ruining lives.

They are so caring and mindful of those less well off than themselves, they worry about the planet and everyone in it — unless those concerns happen to impinge on their own enjoyment and perceived entitlements.

Then it’s every man for themselves. And turn the music up. Let’s paaaarty!