The SEX
I’m too shy to sleep with my new man
QI AM in my late 50s and new to the dating scene after a divorce following a very long marriage to my childhood sweetheart.
I’ve never made love with anyone else and I’m terrified that I won’t know what to do.
I’ve met a man who seems nice and we’ve been on a few dates, but it hasn’t gone any further — mainly because I avoid any attempts he makes to kiss me. I don’t know how to relax and just go with it.
AHere’s the real question: do you actually want to kiss him? He may be nice, and he may be a man, but that doesn’t necessarily add up to a passionate equation.
Think back to your first kiss with your husband. I bet you did it because you were desperate to kiss him, not because you felt you ought to.
Things don’t change, no matter what our age. Nothing trumps nerves like desire, so, if you’re avoiding this man’s advances, it’s probably for a very good reason — you don’t fancy him. saying ‘ he seems like a nice man’ doesn’t exactly indicate tempestuous desire.
Just because you’re single, doesn’t mean you should be attracted to every available person who comes your way. Whether we are 19 or 90, sexual chemistry works its own, often unexpected, magic.
The worst thing you can do is persuade yourself that you ought to have sex with someone just because you’ve been on a few dates. If there is no real attraction, sex will inevitably be disappointing and, because you’re so terrified, you’ll probably blame yourself, which will simply make you even more nervous in the future.
The best way to learn to relax is to go on dates and establish friendships. stop worrying about sex and start to enjoy the company of a man over a drink or a nice dinner.
There will be many fiftysomethings who would envy that you’ve got a date at all. But very few of us would settle for second-best — or secondrate — sex.
so start by enjoying companionship and I promise you that when you meet someone with whom you really want to have sex, you’ll know exactly what to do. Mother Nature tends to take a hand in these things.