Confessional

What the beauty counter assistant thinks about you

ONE of my first questions when I’m doing a makeover is: ‘What do you use on your skin normally?’

It’s so that I’ll know how much customers are prepared to spend. If it’s a cheap, two-in-one cleanser, I’ll do a rush job — we all work on commission.

It’s rare someone’s cheeky enough to have a makeover then not buy a product, but it does happen. It’s usually students — if they come back, I’ll say: ‘We’re busy.’

Some women come in regularly, as if I’m their personal beautician. They tend to be the rich, bored ones — they’re at home with nobody to talk to and, I suspect, unhappy marriages.

For these well-off, upper middle-class women, buying expensive products is a treat that gives them a boost. They love to hear compliments. I’ll say ‘You have lovely skin’, and I guarantee they’re more likely to buy a foundation or a toner for £35.

Sometimes, middle-class women shop in pairs. I can tell the ones who don’t have a lot of money, as they’ll be egging each other on to buy a £15 eyeliner as if they’re investing in a Ferrari. I’ll do a quick makeover, but I don’t waste a lot of time.

The one thing I dread is the middle-class mum who wants their teenage daughters to have a makeover — I can see the girl is dying of embarrassment. The mum will chat at top volume about her daughter’s acne or ‘sparse eyebrows’.

I feel like saying: ‘You don’t need a makeover, darling, you need a therapist’ — but I know the mum will spend on products, and I need my commission, so I just smile. Smiling gets you a long way in this job.