Poignant final act of love

SOMETIMES I am overwhelmed by the response of readers to one problem. So it is with last week’s second letter, from Jessica, headlined: ‘My grief and guilt are crippling me’.

In her late 70s, Jessica remains deeply upset because her husband recently died without her at his side, just as when she lost her parents and her son.

Now she feels such a sense of guilt: ‘I have let every member of my family down.’

Many of you appreciated my point about the belief that the soul of the departed remains in the room. Who can know for sure about such things?

But what has impressed me are profound thoughts about the dying offered by readers with experience in the medical profession, care homes, hospices and charities.

This from T is one example: ‘I am a retired nurse and it was my experience that family would sit for hours with a dying relative and as soon as they left for home (often to eat or sleep for the first time in ages) we’d call them back because the person they’d sat with had died within minutes of them going.

‘I believe they hung on so as not to cause distress to those they loved. Tell the lady they waited for her to leave because they loved her and would not want her to be suffering now.’

V wrote: ‘For many years I worked with Cruse Bereavement Care. This sad tale of loved ones dying once others had left the room is very common indeed. I believe it’s because while you are still with your loved ones, they are conscious of this and because they love you, stay with you while you are there.

‘Once you have slipped away they feel free to do the same. It can be seen as a very loving thing. It’s not possible to extend someone’s life for ever by remaining with them but our time with them never goes unnoticed.’

My sincere thanks for all these kind thoughts, which I shall pass on in a private email to Jessica.