A taboo we must learn to discuss

BBC radio presenter Anna Foster talked this week about the agony of her two miscarriages.

The 36- year- old ( pictured below) has a genetic condition that was responsible but, despite this, she managed to go on to have two children.

Many women, of course, aren’t as fortunate.

Miscarriage seems to be one of those taboo subjects that few people are willing to discuss — yet it causes untold grief and distress.

It’s also very common. One in six pregnancies where women know they’re expecting ends in miscarriage. From my clinical experience, women tend to suffer in silence — often blaming themselves.

They will often torment themselves about why it happened to them. Many don’t know how to feel.

Some miscarry at a time in the pregnancy when other women choose, legally, to abort their foetus.

As the law sees this as an early stage, those who miscarry may feel that others won’t recognise their need to grieve. Over the years, numerous women who’ve miscarried have told me that they subsequently had become depressed, but felt they couldn’t talk about it because while many are able to sympathise with a woman who has suffered a stillbirth, a miscarriage is considered to be a minor medical problem.

Of women who have had a miscarriage, 30 per cent go on to suffer from depression and that percentage is even higher in those who have experienced two or more.

It’s thought that because the subject is still taboo, this depression can go on for years before people seek help.

And it’s not just the women that this loss can impact on. I’ve seen several men who have also been devastated by a miscarriage and have spiralled into mental illness as a result.

For men there can also be a double bind: if they show too much emotion and admit to being distressed, then they can be accused of not being supportive to their partner and being too self-indulgent.

If they try to remain ‘ strong’ and don’t show an emotional response, then they are branded cold and heartless.

The truth is that for men and women, there’s no one right or wrong way to respond. Some will be very upset, others less so.

The answer, though, is to start talking openly about this.

People like Anna Foster should be applauded for speaking out and starting that urgently needed conversation.