Confessional

What the GP receptionist really thinks about you

WE HAVE a reputation for being dragons, but for a good reason. If I give out too many appointments, genuinely ill patients could end up waiting hours. People usually have a mild allergy, for example, or a twisted ankle, but some of the ranting we get, you’d think we were refusing them life-saving treatment.

I’m in a well-to-do area, so there are always lots of yummy mummies and wellgroomed older patients. One fiftysomething said to me: ‘Have you any idea you’re playing Russian roulette with my health?’ because I wouldn’t cancel her GP’s lunch break. She had a tickly cough, not TB.

I also wish mothers would be less paranoid about their children. Of course, if it’s an emergency, we send them to A&E. But ‘not eating his breakfast’ is not a good reason to stand at my counter demanding your toddler is seen immediately.

My biggest bugbear is the huge amount of no-shows. It doesn’t occur to people that six of those mean we’re an hour behind.

We do gossip about patients, even though we’re not meant to. There’s a glamorous married woman who I’m convinced is having an affair with one of the doctors. He’s very good-looking, and I once saw them coming out of a room they weren’t supposed to be in, while she buttoned her blouse. Part of being a good receptionist is knowing when to turn a blind eye.

I really hate having to tell people I simply can’t answer their questions about test results. I do feel guilty, even though it’s not my fault in the slightest. We do have hearts, despite appearances.