Why men like Paxo pay a terrible price for following their egos into bed with a (much) younger woman
THE revelation this week that Jeremy Paxman has left his partner of 35 years, Elizabeth Clough, for a blonde books editor 30 years his junior is, to my mind, completely baffling.
I’ve met Ms Clough, sat opposite her at dinner, in fact. She was an absolute blast — bright, beautiful, funny and feisty, the perfect foil to Paxman’s dry wit and gruff demeanour.
Why would any man want to ditch a woman like that? As well as giving him three wonderful children, she was a successful TV producer, working on Panorama, Watchdog and Newsnight, until she gave it all up in 2011. And yet here he is, setting up home with someone who is young enough to be his daughter.
At 66, you might have thought that Paxman could see past the superficial enticements of a woman almost half his age. That his famed intellect might lead him to conclude that though he and Ms Clough, 64, might not exactly be love’s young dream, 35 years of shared experiences with an intellectual equal is worth more than a handful of firm flesh.
But then I am not a man in late middle age. And men of that age don’t always behave rationally when it comes to young blondes versus loyal wives. Especially when it involves that most fragile of objects: the male ego.
Like another Jeremy making headlines this week (Clarkson, also cavorting with a leggy blonde who is not his wife), Paxman is one of those highly competitive, combative, Alpha male types.
In his heyday he bestrode the airwaves like a Titan, his appetite for devouring the pompous and the powerful insatiable.
But now, as he traverses his seventh decade, he finds his power dwindling. For while he may have the satisfaction of seeing Newsnight’s ratings falter without him, he no longer has quite the reputation he once enjoyed.
To be feared and revered in equal measure is an intoxicating mix.
And when you have scaled the dizzying heights that he has, recognition of past success is not enough. He needs to find ways of recapturing those moments of glory.
And nothing but nothing signals male supremacy as clearly as a young lover. One in thrall to his greatness, a girl who came to work for him fresh out of university and who, for the past 12 years, has been learning faithfully at the master’s knee, helping him research his books.
As Paxman himself acknowledged in his gushing book credits, someone ‘ bright, resourceful, cheerful and indefatigable’, prepared to drop everything at a moment’s notice to service his needs.
HE WROTE: ‘I no sooner asked a question than had it answered,’ praising her ‘ Stakhanovite’ — or prodigious — capacity for research. (So that’s what they call it these days!) Someone, perhaps most importantly, too in awe of him ever to criticise or cajole him.
Unlike, perhaps, Ms Clough, for whom familiarity and the passage of time may have led her to occasionally question the legendary broadcaster’s wisdom, to respond with less than fawning adoration to his every utterance. This need to exist in an echo chamber of starry- eyed adulation, to seek validation via the form of a much younger lover is, of course, not a uniquely male trait.
Women do it, too, as a way of signalling to the world that they are still sexually desirable.
AND THE sexier they are — or once were — the worse it is. Cue Madonna, with her never- ending supply of embarrassingly box-fresh toy boys; Kylie Minogue and her illfated romance with a bearded baby.
The path of the ageing beauty comforted by a much younger man is a well worn one.
Very occasionally, the pairing works and endures, blossoming into something more than just ego stroking. Joan Collins and Percy Gibson, for example, have just celebrated their 15th wedding anniversary. She is 83, he 52, the pair of them genuine soulmates despite the age gap.
But for the most part, these unequal relationships are just exercises in power play and they usually result in an emotional pile-up that embroils not only the protagonist, but also their family and friends.
As I once said to someone on the verge of leaving his wife of 40 years for a woman who was younger than his own daughter: just let’s think about this for a moment, shall we?
How exactly is this one going to pan out? What are you going to do when she wants a baby — now there’s a question, Jeremy — and you’re pushing 80? How is she going to cope when she finds herself married to her grandfather?
How long before she finds solace with someone her own age? Do you really think she’s going to stick around
when you’re frail and ill and have run out of money?
the answer to all this, of course, is no. But there is someone who will. the person who’s been by your side all your life, the one who doesn’t care how old you look or how ill you feel.
the one who loves you for who you really are rather than who you think you are, or what you have become. the one who doesn’t much mind about the fame and the success, since it was never part of the package in the first place.
the one who doesn’t begrudge inevitable moments of vulnerability that even demigods like Paxman occasionally suffer from.
So what if, when you come home after a hard day beating up politicians, she’s not there to greet you with a trembling lip and a moist embrace? Maybe she’s too busy with work of her own, at her evening Pilates class or even fast asleep already, a note on the kitchen table asking you to let the cat out and put out the bins before coming up to bed. Mundane? Boring? Perhaps. But relationships can’t all be swinging from the chandeliers. and anyway, it’s not all about you.
to have someone like Elizabeth Clough in your life is a privilege and a luxury. and that is what countless men like Paxman throw away when they follow their egos into a younger woman’s bed.
If you ask me, it’s a very high price to pay.
It’s also a sign that for all his rapier-like IQ, the man has the emotional intelligence of a little boy. Because a real grown- up doesn’t require his ego to be constantly stroked or feel the need to display his virility to the world.
Yet for Paxman, ageing silverback that he is, the temptation to once again experience the thrill of the conquest, to feel a pair of unlined eyes gazing up at him in wonder- ment, to command unconditional respect and be unchallenged in his realm has clearly proven too hard to resist.
that the woman involved — 37year-old books editor Jillian taylor — was willing not only to succumb to his charms, but to take advantage of the trusting kindness of Ms Clough, who welcomed her into their home when Ms taylor was helping Paxman with his books, only adds an extra layer of tawdriness to the whole affair.
one day, perhaps, Paxman will wake up and realise what he has lost. that what truly marks out a man is not his ability to bed some pretty young thing too in thrall to his wealth or status to know any better.
It’s having the maturity and selfconfidence not to need to seek instant validation in the embrace of another, but to appreciate the person by your side: the one who has stuck by you so steadfastly all those years.