The secret to Trump’s hair
...AND 11 OTHER THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT THE ‘LOVE IT OR HATE IT’ SPREAD
1. PSYCHOLOGISTS at york University recently suggested that Marmite might help boost brain activity.
in strictly controlled tests, a goldfish that had not eaten any Marmite was given two hours to open the lid of the iconic jar, but failed. Meanwhile, a chimpanzee which had been tucking into Marmite on toast was able to unscrew it in just ten seconds.
2. MARMITE was originally discovered in the late 19th century. having heard rumours of a vast tanzanian lake composed entirely of a sticky, dark brown paste with a salty, powerful flavour, sir Digby tantrum led an expedition there in 1889.
3. AT THAT time, there was a crying need in Victorian Britain for a new savoury spread. sadly, a rival expedition from Norway that set out early that year never reached its destination, having stumbled upon lake sandwich spread in the spring.
‘having gorged on sandwich spread for hours on end, we suddenly came over all queasy and found that we could go no further, ’ said the ill- fated expedition leader, Kurt rejoinder.
4. AT FIRST, Sir Digby found nothing but a trail of ‘soldiers’ — bread, sliced, toasted and spread with sticky brown paste then cut into thin strips — scattered around the neighbouring jungle.
But having followed the trail for 72 miles, he came across an extraordinary sight. ‘ there before me was a lake of the blackest black, stretching for miles on end.
‘Was this the famous lake for which we had been searching these past six months?
‘i immediately ordered my men to toast some bread. thereupon, i pressed my sword into the lake and spread the sticky substance all over one of those slices of toast.
‘it was, alas, not to my taste. But i am not one to give up. i turned to the only female on the expedition, held out the spread and said: “i don’t like it, but ma’am might.”
‘and so the famous name was born!’
5. TO THIS day, Marmite is used for many purposes other than eating. in hobart, tasmania, it is employed as cement.
‘We find the texture perfect for modern building requirements,’ says one of the region’s leading construction companies. ‘though we do urge our workers to wear masks, to prevent them being overcome by noxious fumes.’
6. IN PARTS of Peru, jungle tribes daub their bodies in Marmite in an attempt to ward off the evil eye. covered in the spread, they dance around an open fire for up to 15 hours before wiping it all off with sponge-like bread and eating it.
7. IN PAPUA New guinea, Marmite is considered the height of sophistication. tribesmen who wish to show they are a cut above their neighbours always make sure that their shirts are generously smeared with Marmite before they go out.
8. MARMITE has recently arrived in the White house. ‘President trump finds it perfect for keeping his hair in place, particularly when boarding the helicopter to Mara-lago,’ confirms Press secretary sean spicer, who also uses it for fixing his White house podium in the right position at all times.
9. SOME of the world’s greatest dishes are Marmite-based. cuttingedge chef heston Blumenthal has developed Marmite ice cream, while the top restaurant in Paris, la Marmite, continues to serve a famous pudding of tarte tatin au Marmite. their sole Dans la Marmite — sole dipped in Marmite — remains one of their most popular main courses.
10. AYERS ROCK, in the centre of australia, is believed to house a ten- ton lump of Marmite at its centre.
‘We know some sort of savoury spread lies at the heart of this legendary rock,’ says the top scientist Barry Kerr, who has been investigating the phenomenon for the past 17 years.
‘But there is a small possibility that it might be a lesser-known brand of peanut butter.’
11. THE ADVERTISING slogan for Marmite has changed many times over the years.
When Marmite came on the market in 1902, its slogan was ‘Nothing Better’. after an intervention by the advertising standards authority, this was changed to ‘Better than Nothing’.
for the next 40 years the slogan was: ‘for those in search of something Black and sticky.’
12. IT IS often said that Marmite repels mosquitos. ‘i hate the stuff, and so do most of my friends,’ confirms a leading mosquito.