Why all roads must lead to Des O’Connor

Life is a game of Consequences. i’ve always enjoyed the paper-folding game in which people write down the names of two people at random — say, King Henry Viii and Katie Price — and then invent a meeting between them, complete with ‘He said’ and ‘She said’.

every now and then, real life throws up its own version of Consequences. edwina Currie’s admission of a long affair with John Major springs to mind, as does Rupert Murdoch’s recent marriage to Jerry Hall.

Dropping down a few divisions, i also greatly enjoyed the gettogether between the wacky former MP Lembit Opik and one or other of The Cheeky Girls, particularly as Lembit Opik had only just stopped dating the weather presenter Sian Lloyd. in troubled times, these things add greatly to the gaiety of nations.

Occasionally, two real- life games of Consequences come along at once. i have just finished reading the new autobiography by Prince’s former wife, the belly dancer Mayte Garcia. from it, i learned that, after her divorce from Prince, Mayte Garcia had a relationship with Tommy Lee of Motley Crue, who had, in turn, once been married to the former Baywatch star Pamela Anderson.

Quite by chance, it so happens that, over the past few weeks, Pamela Anderson has been in the news for visiting the WikiLeaks boss Julian Assange in his bolthole at the ecuadorian embassy in Knightsbridge. They were introduced by, of all consequential people, Vivienne Westwood, and now seem to be an item. ‘ My relationship with Julian — it’s no secret,’ Pamela wrote on her blog.

So, we now have two games of Consequences that have joined together to create a romantic daisy chain that links Julian Assange to the late Prince, via Pamela Anderson, Tommy Lee and Mayte Garcia.

But why should we end it there? Back in 1989, Prince was dating the actress Kim Basinger, still probably best known for her energetic work in the film 9 ½ Weeks. The following year, Kim Basinger went out with the hairdresser-turned-film producer Jon Peters, whose most famous former girlfriend was Barbra Streisand.

from Barbra Streisand, our little game of Consequences can head in any number of directions, as she is said to have enjoyed flings with, among others, Ryan O’Neal, Kris Kristofferson, Omar Sharif and Don Johnson of Miami Vice.

But let’s keep it simple. Streisand’s first husband, elliott Gould, had a fling with the english actress Vicki Hodge, who had appeared in The Stud in 1974 and, later that same year, Confessions Of A Sex Maniac.

Vicki Hodge went on to have an affair with Prince Andrew, who married Sarah ferguson in 1986. This means that in just 11 leaps, you can get from Julian Assange to Sarah ferguson. What a small world!

On the other hand — and i realise that by now i may be losing those with no interest in algebra or mathematics — Barbra Streisand had a fling with Warren Beatty in 1970. And, as every student of showbusiness romance knows, all roads lead to and from Warren Beatty.

if you follow the romantic line starting with Warren Beatty in one direction, it goes like this: Warren Beatty — Natalie Wood — Robert Wagner — Jill St John — frank Sinatra — Marilyn Monroe — Orson Welles — Rita Hayworth — Aly Khan — Thelma furness — King edward Viii — Wallis Simpson. By my calculation, this makes Julian Assange just 19 romantic leaps away from Mrs Simpson.

But you may prefer to follow the Warren Beatty line in another direction. So, here goes: Warren Beatty dated Diane Keaton from 1981 to 1986. Diane Keaton was romantically involved with Woody Allen in the late Seventies. Woody Allen later fell for Mia farrow, who had previously been the young bride of frank Sinatra, who from 1951 to 1957 was married to Ava Gardner.

Ava Gardner was no slouch. She had also been married to Artie Shaw and Mickey Rooney. in the late 1940s, she had a tempestuous relationship with the billionaire recluse Howard Hughes. ‘He was painfully shy,’ she once admitted.

So, this means that you can trace a line from Julian Assange to Howard Hughes in just 14 moves. Or, if you prefer a more comical ending, you can employ a further four moves — Howard Hughes — Hedy Lamarr — Stewart Granger — Gillian Vaughan — to get to Des O’Connor.

it can’t be long before Des O’Connor calls on Julian Assange in his ecuadorian hideaway. After all, they’d have a lot to talk about.