BREAKING TABOOS – JUST LIKE HIS MUM
On THAT sombre day 20 years ago, no mourner at Princess Diana’s funeral looked more vulnerable or more alone than 12-yearold Prince Harry as he walked behind his mother’s coffin.
now we know — by his own admission — just how vulnerable he was then and in the years that followed.
How on earth could someone that young begin to grieve properly when they were in the public eye, and the nation itself was consumed with sadness and shock?
It must have been an extraordinary and desperate experience for William and Harry, for which there was no right or wrong way to cope.
Harry spoke this week with touching honesty about how he tried to bury the grief he had, ‘refusing ever to think about my mum … it’s only going to make you sad, it’s not going to bring her back’. He says he ‘shut down’ his emotions.
This is an incredibly common reaction in those bereaved as children.
When I worked for children’s mental health services, I would see youngsters brought in by well-meaning family members for therapy in the belief that it was good to talk. And, of course, talking is incredibly important in the healing process. But for adolescents, it’s not always the right time.
Many simply didn’t want to go near the subject of a dead parent or sibling. They wanted to chat about TV shows such as Hollyoaks or their favourite football team. As a young doctor, this disturbed me. I felt I wasn’t helping my patients — but a wise consultant explained that it wasn’t a failure on my part or the child’s, and I should let them chat about whatever they wanted.
The adolescent brain is still developing and the parts involved in emotional processing and regulation — the prefrontal cortex —are often not fully formed until people are well into their 20s. This means that for some, it is better to wait several years before fully addressing their issues in therapy.
I get the impression Harry feels that he should have sought help sooner. He refers to ‘ 20 years of not thinking about it and two years of total chaos’ before therapy.
BuThe shouldn’t berate himself. His brain knew what it was doing, and when the time was right and his mind was mature enough to process his grief properly, he got the help he needed and exacted the greatest benefit. And now he feels confident enough to speak out to help others.
For me as a doctor, the impact the young Royals have had on tackling the stigma of mental illness in recent years can’t be overstated. By giving this interview, Harry, in particular, has done more to show people that it’s OK — it’s normal — to struggle with your mental health than decades of charity campaigns could ever achieve.
The Royals inhabit a special world where their every utterance and action is scrutinised and reported around the world. Yet, because they are secure in their position in a way that few celebrities are, they are able to champion difficult causes.
In focusing on mental illness, Harry, William and Kate chose one of the least glamorous and most neglected areas, yet they are transforming our view of it.
Mental health is now not just something that can be talked about, they’ve actually made it fashionable. This was simply unthinkable when I started training 20 years ago.
Then, psychiatry was a Cinderella speciality; underfunded and unpopular. When I graduated, one of my professors asked what speciality I intended to go into. I replied mental health.
‘But you’ve done really well,’ he said. ‘You don’t have to do that.’
It was as if being a psychiatrist was something people did only when they had no other options.
William and Harry are following in their mother’s footsteps. When, in April 1987, at the height of the hysteria about Aids, Princess Diana was photographed touching an HIV-positive man, she showed by a single gesture that this was a condition that needed our compassion and understanding, not fear and ignorance.
MEDICAL sociologists now credit that photograph with a shift in public opinion on Aids. Diana also broke new ground as a Royal when she spoke publicly about her own battles with bulimia and her subsequent therapy.
I’m sure there will be those in the Royal Household who wince at all this talk of ‘opening up’ and expressing oneself. But as a mental health professional, I am delighted that William and Harry have picked up where their mother left off.
As William says in another interview this week to promote their charity, Heads Together: ‘There may be a time and a place for the “stiff upper lip”, but not at the expense of your health.’
Mental health is, at last, receiving the attention it deserves, and the stigma that has too long been attached to it is being challenged.
It’s wonderful to see, and on behalf of all those working in the area — and our patients — I’d like to say thank you. I think Diana would be proud.