You’ve been collared by The Barking Policeman

THe police are always complaining about public spending cuts, which they say are having a serious impact on their ability to combat everything from burglary to terrorism.

only last week, we learned that up to a third of all domestic abuse cases are being screened out because there is insufficient manpower to investigate every complaint.

Her Majesty’s Inspectorate of Constabulary also warned that emergency calls were being downgraded because of a shortage of officers. The total number of coppers in Britain has fallen by 19,000 since 2010.

Chief constables are under increasing pressure to save money. one way they are trying to make ends meet is by reducing the number and size of canine divisions. In essex, the dog unit has been cut in half, to just a dozen animals and their handlers. Greater Manchester has fallen from 130 seven years ago to just 36 today.

other forces are having to merge their K-9 units. In the West Country, there are only ever two dogs available at any one time to cover millions of people in three counties.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. one officer, in particular, believes multi-tasking is the answer.

Last year, I brought you the story of PC Steve Hutton, from Swindon, who used his initiative to capture a fugitive from a high-speed police chase along the M4.

PC Sutton ran after one of four men who fled from a stolen car. With the suspect getting away, he shouted out that he was a dog handler and ordered him to stop. In case chummy was in any doubt, PC Sutton started barking. The man gave himself up immediately.

It wasn’t the first time he had resorted to this ingenious ruse. He said at the time: ‘I’ve done it before when I was based in Salisbury and we were trying to get a man at a school.

‘He ran across the school field and I knew we were never going to catch him, so I let out a couple of barks.’

Now he’s done it again. PC Sutton recently spotted a man wanted for breaching a restraining order. He told the suspect to freeze or he’d set the dog on him — even though there was no dog.

For effect, though, he repeatedly shouted ‘sit’, ‘stay’ and ‘lie down’ to the imaginary K-9 lurking behind his police car.

It did the trick and the bewildered man surrendered. PC Sutton said: ‘Luckily, I didn’t have to bark this time.’ That’s a relief. But full marks for initiative.

CLearLy

the threat of being seized by a police dog is a more effective deterrent even than being Tasered. Let’s hope senior officers take note. With dog numbers declining, perhaps it’s time they started training all coppers in the art of barking.

Islamist terrorists, for instance, are terrified of dogs, which they consider unclean. Never mind going to the expense of training more marksmen, just tell officers to start barking in the direction of suspected jihadis and they’ll throw down their weapons and come running out with their hands up before you can say ‘allahu akbar’.

This could tackle crime and keep costs down in one fell swoop. and it could also be extended to the mounted division.

With increasing numbers of police horses being sent to the glue factory, coppers could achieve the same effect by galloping along the road banging two empty coconut shell halves together — like the knights in Monty Python and The Holy Grail.

PC Sutton missed out on last year’s Mind How you Go awards, but he did make the annual Makes you Proud To Be British Quiz.

He also deserves to be immortalised in song, with an update of the old Charles Penrose music hall classic, The Laughing Policeman, which will be familiar to all those of us who grew up listening to Children’s Favourites on the BBC.

as always, it helps if you sing along . . . I KNoW a barking policeman, He comes from down our street, His name is PC Sutton, He’s always on the beat. and when he nicks a villain, He gets down on all fours, Starts barking like a police dog, Pretends that he’s got paws. oh . . . Woof, woof, woof, woof, Woof, woof, woof, woof, Woof, woof, woof, Woof, woof. Woof, woof, woof, woof, Woof, woof, woof, woof, Woof, woof, woof, Woof, woof. Woof, woof, woof, woof, Woof, woof, woof, woof, Woof, woof, woof, Woof, woof. Woof, woof, woof, woof, Woof, woof, woof, woof, Woof, woof, woof, Woof, woof. He barks when he’s on duty, He barks when he’s at home. He barks at everybody, He barks when he’s alone. He simply can’t stop barking, even when there is no need, He said: ‘I’m sorry sergeant, But I think I’ve got a lead’. oh . . . Woof, woof, woof, woof, Woof, woof, woof, woof, Woof, woof, woof, Woof, woof. (repeat) one night he tailed a burglar Who’d had it on his toes. But Sutton knew just what to do, He followed his wet nose. He tracked chummy to a

groundsman’s hut, In the local park. ‘Come out, or I’ll set the dog

on you’, and then began to bark. oh . . . Woof, woof, woof, woof, Woof, woof, woof, woof, Woof, woof, woof, Woof, woof. (repeat) So if you come across him, When walking down the street, Give him half a Bonio, or a tin of Kennomeat. and if you want to stroke him He’ll gurgle with delight, Don’t worry if he growls at you, His bark’s worse than his bite. oh . . . Woof, woof, woof, woof, Woof, woof, woof, woof, Woof, woof, woof, Woof, woof. (repeat)