Debt, damp and little sunlight ... welcome to Dracula’s Castle B&B
Eight-year-old gerry King wasn’t wrong when he described the crumbling Victorian building his parents had purchased as being ‘like Dracula’s Castle’.
he was also right to say: ‘i think they’re mad.’ his family were the first to feature in a new series of Our Dream Hotel (Channel 5) where it quickly became apparent they had ticked the two boxes the programme makers seem to require.
First, anyone taking part must be woefully unprepared and, second, should have totally miscalculated the refurbishment costs.
the Kings had sold their home in Brighton to relocate to the Orkney islands, which better suited mum Aine’s rare allergy to sunlight.
When she readily admitted that ‘i actually find people quite infuriating and annoying’, one did have to question her suitability for a career in hospitality.
highland Park house had been operating as a nursing home until the Kings bought it and gave themselves four months to turn it into a luxury B&B.
the location presented a challenge in that due to its severe winters, Orkney only has a limited tourist season from April to October, with many travelling to visit the famous whisky distillery next door. to keep money rolling in, dad Anthony worked as a supply teacher, commuting to his various
SNUB OF THE WEEK: EastEnders’ viewing figures are falling and it didn’t pick up any major gongs at The British Soap Awards (ITV1). Quick, hide the matches — it can only mean The Queen Vic is due another fire.
jobs on the islands via a small plane. ‘it beats sitting in traffic on the A27,’ he had to admit.
things weren’t so rosy for Aine and son Dylan, 19. With limited funds to convert the property, most of the renovations were DiY, and Dylan couldn’t have looked less thrilled. Little wonder he later decided he was a city boy after all and the Orkneys weren’t for him.
As for little gerry, he fell in love with his new surroundings and declared the island ‘brilliant and with really good wifi’.
Against all odds, and despite uncovering terrible damp problems, the hotel opened on time. they were £18,000 over budget and on their knees with exhaustion, but at least they got a thumbs up from Visit Scotland inspectors.
it was a fun way to pass an hour but a great shame that hotel inspector Alex Polizzi only narrated the programme and never visited the hotel.
the makers of the Famous grouse whisky would have been choking on their product if they’d watched Tried And Tasted: The Ultimate Shopping List (Channel 4). their Scotch may be the best selling in the UK but it finished bottom in a blind taste test last night, with one critic branding it ‘as rough as a gravel track’.
With supermarkets typically stocking 30,000 items, how is a customer meant to know whether one brand of ketchup is any better than another? the premise of the programme is that by the end of the eight-part series, the team of experts will have tasted hundreds of them for us and selected the overall winners based on taste, texture, aroma and appearance.
Last night the team tasted lamb shank, apple pie, baked beans and whisky. So remind me never to go to one of their dinner parties. the best part of the programme was how clueless the people doing the tasting really were.
‘Oh this is definitely the most expensive one,’ said restaurant critic Jay Rayner of a tesco budget lamb shank. All of them were in raptures over what they declared to be the most exquisite, fresh, apple pie — a £1.50 frozen one from Aunt Bessie’s.
the only conclusion was that shoppers should carry on buying what they always do, because they know as much, if not more, than the so-called experts. CHRISTOPHER STEvEnS is away.