My daughter’s weight is my fault, not hers
Michelle Atkin, 49, a residential careworker, lives in Darwen, lancashire with her partner, lindsay, 63, a retired police officer. Of her seven children, her three youngest are still at home: lucas, 15, Jayna, 12, and charlie, seven. Michelle works 48-72 hours each week. MY DAuGHTeR Jayna’s weight problem isn’t her fault. It’s mine. When I turn the key in the door after finishing a long shift, the temptation to say ‘let’s go and get fish and chips or a beef chow mein’ is one that I often fail to resist. Jayna will have an adult portion and happily polish it all off.
She’s only 12, yet weighs 11st 4lb — that’s almost the same as me. The guilt I feel is terrible.
This time last year, at my eldest son Robert’s wedding, everyone was complimenting her on how beautiful she looked in her silk and lace bridesmaid dress.
But over the past 12 months, as puberty has set in, she’s gone from having a little puppy fat to being visibly overweight.
When she started at secondary school in September last year, I received a letter informing me that, according to the calculations they used, Jayna was ‘obese’. But there was no offer of help or support. Just a stark, one-page outline flagging the health dangers associated with her remaining at this weight.
like any mum, I was keen to tackle it — but in a way that didn’t upset her. So I gently said we would look at her diet and think about doing some exercise together.
But despite my best intentions, a new lifestyle was hard to implement. Juggling healthy meals and monitoring exercise with my workload is sometimes nigh- on impossible. I work full-time in a residential care home for children with challenging behaviour. The shifts are tiring, as they require every ounce of your attention.
I usually work a 24-hour straight shift. While I sleep for eight of those hours, I wake at the slightest sound, on high alert for a problem. Typically, I work a 48-hour week and don’t see my daughter at all during those hours.
When she’s at school, it’s easy to see what she’s eating: her purchases are linked to a website which I can access and monitor accordingly. It’s at home that her diet goes off piste. Snacks like crisps and biscuits are always in the house, and I’m not there to police what she eats. And while I consider myself a good cook, and easily capable of preparing a healthy stew or shepherd’s pie from scratch, more often than not I am simply too tired, or home too late, to make it feasible. To make matters worse, I’m divorced from her father, and she splits her time between his house and mine. I’ve no idea what she eats there. I do know she often sees her grandmother over there who loves to treat her. All in all, perhaps it’s little wonder she’s gained so much weight. We joined a slimming club last month. In the first week, Jayna lost 4lb just by cutting out snacks. I’m so proud of her. Of course, though, I am constantly aware that if I were a stay- at- home mother, Jayna would never be in this mess. She’d be coming home to a healthy, home- cooked meal, and I’d be able to encourage her to do more sport. The buck stops with me. Her weight problem is all down to my non-stop career and my mothering skills — and that hurts.