Is it just ME?

Or are clothing labels utterly ridiculous?

Do we really need washing instructions with more pages than Middlemarch?

ON MY way to meet a friend for lunch last weekend I spotted a pretty shirt in the window of a High Street store.

It was dove-grey with embroidered stars and cut in that boxy Eighties shape that’s everywhere this summer. I thought I might wear it straight away. Silly of me.

Because as we should all know by now, anything purchased on the High Street is not ready to wear until you’ve taken off the infuriating array of unnecessary labels — risky surgery which frequently leaves a tell-tale hole in the seam.

This particular shirt had 12 … yes, 12 … labels, plus a bag of pink thread attached by a plastic tag. I guess the thread was in case I felt moved to embroider stars of my own onto it. Do people do that? Ever? How much do we really need to know apart from size and brief washing instructions? While your washing machine can be operated after reading a short leaflet; the shirt you are putting in it necessitates something with more pages than Middlemarch.

And however butter-soft the fabric is, you can bet the stitched-in labels will be made of the stiffest, scratchiest material known to man, with edges so rough they take skin off — and the labels seem to add an inch or two at your widest point to bulk things up a bit.

So far, so irritating. Then try reading the labels. ‘This fabric may fade with washing.’ You don’t say.

Safe to say I didn’t wear the shirt to lunch. It also now has a hole in the seam which I suppose I could use the bag of pink thread to repair. But probably won’t.

Actually, I’ve a suggestion for clothing makers. While attaching labels to seams, why not include sewing scissors and a magnifying glass? That way we could cut the labels out before we buy.