Today’s poem

DEAR VALUATION AUCTIONEER

I came to see you last week, and we had a cosy chat, Where you kindly did inform me that my valuables were tat. My great-grandmother’s necklaces were not silver, but plate, And the clock I thought Edwardian was (yawn!) recent in date. Through gritted teeth, you told me that my black coral was wood And faked with varnish (though, you did concede, the quality was good) And I know you told me eight times that you didn’t want to see Any more of my old clutter, unless I could guarantee That it was a genuine antique and might fetch a princely price (But, be fair, if I knew that, I wouldn’t ask for your advice). All the same, I’m shy of mentioning this other little thing That I’d stored up in the attic and then forgot to bring. I didn’t want to bother you if it wasn’t worth your while So I did some research on the piece and recognise the style. I picked it up 12 years ago when trawling the bazaars And was told it’s very old; it looks to me like a Ming vase. I’m happy to report it’s in an excellent condition And I’d like for you to auction it — just think of your commission! Although I have seen similar, this one seems a rare find. I attach a photo to my email. I hope that you don’t mind.

Jenny Wardley, East Grinstead, W. Sussex.