I’ve considered suicide, reveals Caulker
FORMER Tottenham defender Steven Caulker has revealed he came close to ending his life after a long battle with addiction to alcohol and gambling. The 25-year-old claims he has been told not to return to Queens Park Rangers next season after his spiralling off-field problems culminated in him being banned from driving after refusing to take a breath test in a car park near Windsor Castle in March. In an interview with the Guardian, Caulker revealed he had spent numerous nights in police custody during a career that has seen him play for eight clubs including Spurs, Liverpool, Southampton and Cardiff. The one-cap England international has also spent time in rehab for his gambling and suffered bouts of crippling anxiety that have seen him go for days without sleep. ‘I’ve sat here for years hating myself and never understood why I couldn’t just be like everyone else,’ said Caulker. ‘This year was almost the end. I felt for large periods there was no light at the end of the tunnel. ‘I’d had one last gamble and lost a hell of a lot of money in December. ‘It was at that point I finally accepted I could not win. I contemplated suicide a lot in that period. A dark time.’ Over the course of his career the father of one claims he has blown 70 per cent of his money and has also been blackmailed by people who have witnessed his out-of-control behaviour. ‘Sometimes I would be sitting there with the police and my lawyer watching the CCTV footage of what I had done and I didn’t recognise myself,’ he said. Caulker says club managers Ian Holloway at QPR and Malky Mackay at Cardiff tried to help him. But his story also reveals just how little football sometimes seems to care for players who struggle with the pressures of the game. ‘QPR and my (former) agent tried to push me towards Lokomotiv Moscow in January but why would being on my own in Russia help?’ he said. ‘Football does not deal well with mental illness. Maybe it’s changing but the support mechanisms are so often not there. ‘I’ve spoken to so many players who have been told to go to the Sporting Chance clinic and they’ve refused because they know, if they take time off, they’ll lose their place in the team. ‘Someone steps in and does well, so you’re gone. That dissuades people from getting help. You feel obliged to get on with things.’