Dear Diary... will he or won’t he?
A year after she met Harry, what does Meghan really think of their romance? We stumbled on her very revealing diary (honest!)
JUNE 6, 2016
Something awesome has happened! i was introduced to this super cool guy in toronto. he has the cutest english accent and a naughty smile. Bad news — he has ginger hair. good news — he’s just about the most eligible dude in the world. Yep: Prince harry! And we all know there’s only one way to catch a prince, pretend you don’t know who he is. it worked! And then he pretended he watched my tv show Suits. ha ha! Anyway, we’ve been texting for days and soon i’m flying to London to see him again. he says i’ve got to keep it top secret . . .
JUNE 28
I’M IN London to meet my new man. I know I have to keep it under my hat, but it’s killing me. I’m doing my best to be good, and even hid in the back of a car when I went to see him. No one suspected anything. Dammit! On the plus side, I got to watch tennis at Wimbledon, too. OK, not in the Royal Box this year, but maybe next year? After all, if they can keep making room for that Pippa . . .
SEPT 1
i’Ve decided to research the British upper class. So, while i’m working hard on my lifestyle blog the tig, jetting around the world staying at really cool, expensive hotels — trust me, it’s exhausting! — i make sure to look up some posh Brits. i hang out with a socialite called millie mackintosh at Soho Farmhouse in the Cotswolds. She was superhelpful, and taught me all about english ways — the importance of queuing, handwriting thank you notes rather than instagramming, that it’s ‘loo’ not ‘toilet’ and ‘napkin’ not ‘serviette’. i took notes. Very useful for meeting the future granny-in-law.
SEPT 2
JETTING back home today and it’s been a crazy month of sun, sand and . . . you know what! But it’s still hush hush. That’s 11 l-o-o-ong weeks. I guess at least it’s given me time to practise my curtsey. But, deep down, I’m over the whole ‘secret’ thing. Now everyone thinks he’s dating some other actress called Jenna Coleman, who’s in some little TV thing about Queen Victoria. Yawn. At least my show is sexy.
SEPT 28
Ok, So we have established that i am: discreet, dress well and know that you should say ‘rubbish’ not ‘garbage’. tick, tick, tick. now i’m in ottowa posing for Vanity Fair magazine for my humanitarian work with the one Young World organisation. it’s all about environmental issues and human rights and stuff — so that’s got to be worth some serious princess points, right? i try to seem regal and dignified for the cameras. Also how hot do i look in my white dress?
NOV 10
SUCCESS! harry put out the sweetest statement confirming we are totally an item and defending me from all the mean things some people are saying. he’s my knight in shining armour, except he’s better than a knight ’cos he’s a Prince! Decided to cook him a special romantic meal at Kensington Palace to show my appreciation. An organic vegan feast, using my special favourite recipe for roasted cauliflower with chickpeas and hot curry powder. he’s gonna love it.
NOV 23
THANKSGIVING and i’m thinking about the meal i once cooked for all my family. A huge turkey — like most of my movies! ha ha! today i’m feeling thankful for: my career, my family, my swishy hair, my cute bottom . . . not forgetting my ginger honey bunny who i’ve been dating for six whole months.
FEB 1, 2017
A NEW year and still going strong with Harry. We had a date night at Soho House in London. The paparazzi caught us. Luckily, I looked superglam. Am loving staying at Harry’s apartment in Kensington Palace and pretending we’re a married couple — which everyone is saying we will be before too long. Was hoping Kate might pop in for a cup of green tea but no sign of her yet . . .
FEB 5
STILL playing the perfect housewife. that’s the great thing about being an actress, i can turn my hand to anything. And being so good at learning lines is great practice for all those royal speeches i might have to give one day. in the meantime, i’ve noticed harry’s pad has a bit of a bachelor vibe going on, so am filling it with flowers. Love my new Barbour jacket. makes me look very posh and english.
JULY 15
WE’VE been dating over a month now and Harry is worried people might be onto us so I’m trying to throw people off the scent with my Instagram posts. ‘Fries before guys,’ as if! Not when that guy is fifth in line to the throne and you don’t stay as skinny as I am eating chips as the Brits call them. (I’m really gonna have to learn that lingo.)
JULY 17
OPERATION Bag Myself A Prince — so far, so good. But our romance is still secret and we’re on opposite sides of the Atlantic. I worry some blonde ‘totty’ (as Harry calls them) will swoop in and steal my man. I’ve gotta get the message across that I’m chilled out. They say Harry’s soooo not into commitment, I don’t want to scare him off. So I uploaded this fun snap of me with raspberries. Come on — what’s not to love?
AUG 6
IN new York for my best friend’s wedding. Thankfully, the hotel rooms look a little like a palace, so I can get used to how my future home might be. I’d give anything if I could take Harry as my plus one. But I can still drive him wild from here. Just check out my ass! That’ll show him it isn’t just that Middleton girl who looks great from behind in a bridesmaid’s dress. In your face Pippa!
OCT 21
OK, I’VE had it. My jaw is aching from staying so quiet. So I’ve started to drop a few hints. I really can’t believe nobody’s guessed we’re an item. I must be a better actress than I thought. So I posted this cheeky little snap, drinking my coffee, in a pose which also just ‘happens’ to show me wearing Harry’s African love bead bracelet. Just hope someone picks up on it.
OCT 22
UH oh. I’m hearing rumours that the story of our romance is about to break. Hope it was nothing I did. It’s all about to get crazy . . . at last! So in the meantime, here’s a silly card I bought for my own little pickle in the palace, saying: ‘You mean a great dill to me’. Hilarious! I try to stay suitably mysterious in my caption on Instagram — just saying: ‘Yes you do.’ we all know who ‘you’ is, don’t we? And I only put two love hearts after it. How restrained am I?
NOV 1
YIKES! So the whole world knows that Harry and I are bananas about each other. The royals say: ‘Never complain, never explain.’ But there’s nothing that says ‘never post cute internet pics that could be read as a romantic message for your Prince’, is there? So that’s what I do – and post a naughty little message for my guy on Instagram telling him to ‘sleep tight’. Yep that’s right, I’ve spooned with Prince Harry! Just like these bananas are doing. After all, he’s so a-peeling!
MARCH 3
Harry asked me to go with him to his best friend’s wedding in Jamaica. Everyone goes wild because there’s a picture of my hand on Harry’s back. But it’s a bit awkward because Jamaica was where I married my ex-husband, a guy called Trevor. Harry is totally cool about it though, I mean, everyone in his family gets divorced. I know the last American divorcee who married a royal wasn’t so popular but, hey, wallis Simpson wasn’t on TV and didn’t have 1.6 million followers on Instagram.
MAY 7
Princess training Part 32, in which I pretend to be interested in Polo. All the men chase a ball with a giant hammer. Let’s be frank — it was as boring as hell, but at least it wasn’t cricket. Things seem to be going well though. I have this English style thing down. Just check out my dress! Looks like one of kate’s, don’t cha think? Bad news though, had to pull the plug on my blog. It was upsetting some of the stuffed suits at the Palace. No more selfies. what I am going to do?
MAY 20
PIPPA’S wedding today and I joined Harry for the reception in a big greenhouse in a field. Brit weddings are weird. when I get married it will be totally glamorous with no muddy fields. Getting a bit bummed with other people’s weddings. I mean, it’s been practically a year!
JUNE 11
Awkward! So I’m at a script reading session at a TV festival in Texas when this random guy in the audience asks when I’m going to marry Harry. Jeez, I hope people don’t think I put him up to it! I just smile and say nothing. Still, I reckon 2018 will be a big year for hat sales in England!