Is it just ME?

Or is trying to relax super stressful?

THE first time I realised I wasn’t cut out for relaxation was after an invigorating aerobics class about 20 years ago.

Our teacher instructed us to lie on our backs, clench and release various muscle groups one at a time, then imagine we could hear the gentle swish of water as it lapped the sea-shore.

I thought it would work, but the only image that came into view was a giant tsunami drowning everyone in its wake. I sat up abruptly. My classmates all seemed to be asleep.

For me there is nothing more stressful than trying to relax. And for a long time I’ve felt I was the only one with this problem.

Friends say I’m simply not practising enough to get the hang of it. Too damn right, I’ve got far better ways of calming myself than balancing my chakras.

Now I have science on my side. A report from Brown University in the U.S. has reported on ‘relaxation-induced panic’, where scientists found evidence of meditation sickness involving anxiety, insomnia, hypersensitivity to light and sound.

So now when I’m feeling anxious, I go for a power walk. It clears my head, and even headaches, without the need to reach for a pill.

Or I hit the cross-trainer. A build- up of sweat and feeling puffed, I find, is great for taking your mind off your troubles.

Then there’s baking a cake — soothing and creative at the same time. Reading a book. This works by taking you into a world of other people’s worries. For me, doing a cryptic crossword is infinitely more calming than breathing in and out.

‘Have a relaxing weekend’ has become the end of week platitude. ‘You, too,’ I always reply. But what I should say is, ‘Relaxing? Whatever for? Too damn stressful by far.’

Yoga. Mindfulness. Meditation. All they do is make me panic.