IT’S NOT THE TIME FOR A LIONS JOLLY

Rodney dangeRfield was king of the oneliners. He told Johnny Carson: ‘i went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out.’ it’s a bit like that here in auckland. a lot of people have come for a jolly-up and found themselves delighted to be immersed in a rugby series instead. The British and irish lions are not playing the third Test solely for pride, as expected. one wonders if they would have decamped to Queenstown for the first half of this week had they known the circumstances. in 2012, ireland played a three-Test series in new Zealand. They initially lost 42-10 in auckland, but the second Test in Christchurch was a stormer. Conor Murray scored a try after 11 minutes, and soon ireland led 10-0. after 71 minutes, with the score 19-19, new Zealand full back israel dagg was sent to the sin bin. The all Blacks saw the game out with 14 men until a minute into overtime, when dan Carter capitalised on a five-metre scrum to kick a drop goal and record a 22-19 victory. at which point, as per the itinerary, ireland departed to Queenstown for a few days’ R and R. Precise details are sketchy but the consensus seems to be that much fun was had by all, particularly those who were not expected to play the third Test in Hamilton. as their duty was to keep up the intensity in training, however, things became a little lax. in addition, ireland had lost inside centre gordon d’arcy to a calf strain after 51 minutes in Christchurch, and Ulster’s Paddy Wallace was summoned from a Portuguese beach to take his place. delayed in auckland, his trip took three days and Wallace did not join a team at their physical peak. final score: new Zealand 60 ireland 0. When he retired, Wallace (above) was asked whether he had any tips for aspiring rugby players. ‘never answer your phone,’ he replied.