Men want sex after a row but women prefer ‘quality time’

THERE are two sides to every argument – and, it seems, to patching things up afterwards.

For men and women want very different types of apology following a tiff, researchers claim.

She wants him to cry and spend quality time with her, to show he is emotionally invested in the relationship... while he just wants her to offer him sex.

The different expectations of each partner after an argument have been detailed by US psychologist Joel Wade.

Dr Wade, of Bucknell University in Pennsylvania, asked 36 men and 38 women who took part in an online survey to specify what they would do, grouping the responses into 21 possible behaviours.

These were then suggested to another group, comprising 41 men and 123 women, who were asked to rate how effective they would consider each strategy.

Dr Wade, whose findings are published in the journal Evolutionary Psychological Science, found that men said the most effective way for a partner to say sorry was by giving or receiving sexual favours.

However, women rated a partner spending time with them, apologising and crying as the best way to make up. Dr Wade said his findings showed ‘partial support for our prediction that men and women would differ by which reconciliation tactics they rate as most effective’.

He added: ‘These findings are consistent with prior research showing that men are more likely to expel a mate due to sexual inaccessibility.

‘Women may thereby use sexual favours as a way to reconcile with their male partner. Doing so may communicate to their male partner that they are still sexually accessible and as such do not want to end the relationship.

‘By contrast, women are more likely to expel a mate if he is emotionally inaccessible.’

Men who cry are not seen as weak, Dr Wade said. Instead, it demonstrates that they have a high emotional investment in the relationship.

‘Women may view male partners who cry after conflict as men who are in touch with their emotions,’ he said.

‘Prior research shows that men who cry are viewed positively, and as in touch with their emotions, but not feminine.

‘Likewise, crying may honestly signal a mate’s emotional investment in so far as grief is a costly signal of relationship commitment.’ Women took a positive view of a partner spending time with them after a conflict, he added.

‘Women may rate spending time together more highly because this behaviour signals a partner’s willingness to invest effort and limited resources (e.g. time) into their romantic pair-bond.

‘Such actions by a man may signal the likelihood of a potentially high parental investment, which women prefer.

‘Women may find the act of their male partner apologising to be an effective reconciliation tactic because it is viewed as an altruistic act [demonstrating] his ability to provide emotional support’.

‘In touch with their emotions’